Identity Crisis: a disorientation concerning one's sense of self, values, and role in society, often of acute onset and related to a particular and significant event in one's life.
Yup. That pretty well captures my life right now. I'm in the midst of profound changes that affect almost every level of my life: financially, socially, theologically, relationally, emotionally, physically.
I'm simultaneously dealing with about ten MAJOR life changes... any one of which could send a person careening into a tailpin:
Daughter moved out to finish high school years living at her dad's house
Son moved home after dropping out of college
Resigned from church job under physical and emotional duress
Income decreased by 2/3
Looking for new church home after 11 years
Applying for Social Security Disability
Loss of Health Insurance
Harassment from Ex-husband
Betrayal by former friends
Loss of social network which was completely tied to my former church
AND ALL OF THIS WHILE DEALING WITH A SEVERE DISABILITY!!!
All I can say is that I serve a VERY BIG and WONDERFUL God. If it weren't so, I'd be in a straight-jacket, rocking back and forth on my bed in an institution somewhere.
In the midst of all these changes, having some control of my life and future through diet and exercise feels almost salvific. I might have other losses, but I have the power and the freedom to choose a smaller, healthier, more attractive, stronger body.
Ironic that in the midst of profound losses of love, community, and purpose, I am finding strength and hope in areas that I once perceived as deprivation. I eat a salad now with gratitude that something I have long desired (health and fitness) is within my grasp, even when so many other dreams have vaporized. I ride my Nustep with gratitude that there is still life and hope, and new dreams to dream.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment