Faced with the possibility of missing the event and even spending the morning in the company of the Lexington Fire Department, I began praying earnestly. (There is nothing more prayer-motivating than trying to find an alternative to calling a squadron of men to come and lift your semi-nude body off the floor!) "Oh! I can crawl to the bathroom. Push up onto the toilet and then stand up." Yep, it worked. I had to ask my son to help me up from the very low toilet, but with only a 5-10 minute delay, I was "back on my feet" and on my way. A little while later, I rolled to the doorway and began to stand up to walk to my car. Dang it all if my wheelchair didn't roll out from under me and I sprawled on the porch. TWICE WITHIN 15 MINUTES! And once again, with my son and God assisting, I crawled to the edge of the porch, pushed into a chair, stood up and was once again back on my two feet and headed to the conference.
I have been wrestling with God about this "standin
g on my own two feet" thing. I've been very dependent on a relationship with somebody who has been an enormous source of support and encouragement to me on my journey and I've been sensing the need to let go of the relationship and move forward. "God, if you want me to stand on my own two feet, then why in the heck did you allow me to have feet that are affected by a physically destructive neuromuscular disease!" During the drive to Lexington, God reminded me that I have been transformed, like a caterpillar to a butterfly, and He's given me wings that are strong and whole and ready to catch the updrafts of the Spirit's breeze to soar where the Spirit takes me. Who needs legs when they have wings?The iBloom conference, as I experienced it, was about affirming our worth as women based on God's truth of who we are and about recognizing that God has plans for each woman to live abundantly and to dream God-sized dreams. When the conference leader asked how many women knew their dreams...the dreams that God had given them...only a couple of us raised our hands.
I have many dreams. Taking better care of myself... body, mind, and spirit. Honoring my body after years of dishonoring it. Doing well on that front. On my birthday, I left a big glop of icing on my plate! Never before in the history of Lynna has icing been thrown away. Matter of fact, I've been known to scrape all the icing off an entire cake and leave the dry, naked cake behind for all the other poor schmucks. My tastes are changing. The fresh green beans and corn were as much a treat as the chocolate cake! I enjoyed food while on vacation, but made good choices about what I ate. Interestingly, the leftovers in the fridge did NOT sing their siren song to me as they have done in the past. I ate what I needed to be full, enjoyed it thoroughly, but did not feel the same compulsive need to satisfy the emotional hungers, even when stressed. (Like getting stuck in the bathtub, too weak to get out. But that's another story for another day!)
Another dream has been to go to seminary. Every t
ime I'd hear about somebody pursuing that goal, I'd be pea-green with envy. I was pretty sure I was called in that direction, but the timing, the finances, the relationships, the stars were not in alignment. However, it seems doors are opening, and I applied this week to Asbury Theological Seminary. (They have a distance learning path that seems very do-able.) I'm thirsty for more of God and thirsty to offer more of myself to God for His purposes. We'll see what happens...What a beautiful, relaxing, momentous birthday week I just had thanks to so much grace and love from so many friends and my wonderful family.
Happy birthday Lynna - sounds like you had a wonderful time!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a wonderful birthday. This is why I have taken on the butterfly as my personal symbol :o)
ReplyDeleteDanette