I've always been hyper-critical of Christians who have decided that they've arrived at their destination and stop moving/growing on their spiritual journeys. Rather than breaking camp, hoisting their backpack and taking off down the trail each morning, it seems as though they step onto their posh RV patio for a cup of coffee and the Morning Show. Life is good. They've paid their dues, done their share of work, grown enough, thank-you very much, and now it's time to settle back and relax.In many ways, I've been treating my spiritual journey like that. After years of grueling hikes up the mountain, and I mean rough, rough terrain, I've been comfortable settling down with my RV hooked up at a nice campground and decorated with Japanese lanterns, whirligigs and this kitchy sign:
Where I once was critical, I'm beginning to understand. People get tired. Resting and ease is... well... restful and easy. For me, it has taken a little (or a lot) of pain to budge me from my camping chair. First, the painful fear of becoming incapacitated got me moving towards better eating and exercise habits. Now, the pain of not being able to latch onto an elusive relationship for emotional feeding has me hoisting my backpack and venturing back into the wilderness to seek God more fervently. I'm not happy. After sipping wine and grilling steaks at the RV park, the rigors of the wilderness are dreadfully unappealing. And yet, despite the wine and steaks (and cucumbers and melons), there was no freedom. Freedom and God are found down this path. I hope I don't get lost and spend something like forty years wandering around.
If you are drinking wine stop it...it is a depressant. When you are not happy this is the last order of business. The elusive relationship (for all women)is only applicable to our heavenly Father. I hear your pain and nothing fixes that except digging in and looking at what caused it...examining it asking forgiveness, giving forgiveness, and getting healing from God and helping others that have pain. Lets talk some more off-line.
ReplyDeleteDear anonymous friend (and I recognize your voice, smile),
ReplyDeleteNo! I'm not drinking away my sorrows. I was speaking metaphorically. I am doing what you suggested about digging in... look again at the pictures... the hiker going off into the wilderness is me going to that place, that healing place. Staying at the RV would be the equivalent of using alcohol, food, or whatever to self-medicate. And I agree with you, too, that the elusive relationship I need is with God. Sometimes, though, we human beings, need to experience God through other people. It's such a fine line between our need for God and our need for community.