"Diet/Exercise" Renamed: "Comfort/Hope"

It feels like I am at a significant crossroads in my life, full of changes, losses, and possibilities.

I resigned from my job last week and applied for Social Security Disability. I say "job", but it was so much more than an 8-5 job. I worked in a church to help our congregation build relationships with the broken and hurting in our community. It was my passion, joy, and honor to serve in that role. (Although, sometimes, I wanted to scream in frustration, anger, and despair. Joy doesn't come without sorrow, it seems.)

The increasing physical difficulties of my disability (difficulty walking, bladder incontinence, lymphodema) were slowing me down. Adding to that, my daughter decided to go live full-time with her father, leaving me bewildered, hurt, and angry. Then my son dropped out of college and moved home without a job and with college loans to repay. Already precariously balanced, the scales tipped towards resigning my job when several "friends" acted decidedly unfriendly in a staggering display of betrayal, lies, and viciousness. Enough was enough. It was either resign or have a breakdown.

I will find another place and way to serve. Despite my heartache and loss, I know there will be another church family, and other broken and lonely people who need the love I need to give. Right now, though, I am in the wilderness, severed from my faith community of 11 years, and no longer the esteemed "Director of Compassion Ministries", but a disabled woman who just applied for disability. Like never before, I am aware of and clinging to my identity in Christ.

I am also finding an unexpected source of solace and hope in this desert. Unbelievably, it is diet and exercise. HUH? The dreaded duo of deprivation and torture have morphed into lovely companions of comfort and hope.

As I exercise for 90-120 minutes a day on my Nustep, my mood elevates. Knowing I can burn 500-700 calories a day gives me a feeling of control over my future. In combination with eating about 1200-1400 nutrient-dense calories a day, I KNOW that weight loss and improved physical functioning is a certainty in the midst of all the uncertainty.

I may not have a job. Or a daughter living with me. Or a church family. BUT I have Jesus, White Lightning (Nustep), and a whole bunch of motivation to use this time to take care of me.

Could it be that this low point is the catalyst to propel me into a healthier future? Time will tell. Stay tuned...