Wise or Dumb?

Yesterday, I came face-to-face with another loss in my life, really one that I've been avoiding for a long time, but one that has been steadily becoming more and more apparent. My therapist named it, yesterday, and the hard, cold reality of it hit me hard; although, it WAS wonderful to hear the truth of it from another's lips.

Last night, dealing with the tough emotional residue of being wrenched out of my denial, I had a ravenous appetite. Even while searching the kitchen for "comfort" foods, I recognized that I wasn't physically hungry, so much as emotionally. I scavaged Christmas chocolates from the freezer, half a jar of roasted peanuts, scrambled some eggs, and had two beers. (First alcoholic beverages in months.)

While I was eating this huge amount of food (relative to what I have been eating for the past seven months), I felt satisfied. I didn't berate myself for going "off-plan". I felt like I was taking care of me... and the food did provide comfort. I needed comfort more than I needed discipline last night.

Today, I woke up after sleeping for twelve hours feeling really crappy. Like I had been on a MAJOR drinking binge. Hungover. Sluggish. Grouchy. A marked contrast to the way I have been feeling on Medifast, which has been energized and upbeat.

Sooo, while I don't regret my eating fest of last night, I prefer the good feelings that come from healthful eating. I'm back on track today, and plan to indulge in extra Nustep tonight. I can see a future in which I eat "sanely" 99% of the time, but allow myself the freedom to eat freely and with abandon on those RARE occasions when that seems the best way to love myself. This is either 1)very wise or 2)very dumb. Time will tell...