Public Speaking

I read once that when people are asked what they fear the most, public speaking ranks higher even than the fear of dying!

As far back as I can remember, that was true for me. I remember hugging the toilet in the Chem Building before having to give research presentations in college. I remember watching people who seemed at ease in front of people and wondering what they had that I did not. While some may have been good actors, covering the internal terror with a relaxed demeanor, most seemed genuinely free of self-consciousness, even to the point of playfulness.

I've always wanted to be like them.

And, maybe I am...

This past Sunday I was asked to give a short talk at a church I've been attending for about two months. I had an absolute blast!!! I was relaxed, funny, confident. I was able to be fluid and to divert from my written words when it was better to be flexible. I loved looking out at the people and making contact with our eyes. I loved the feeling of knowing that I had important and loving things to says that would likely bless the hearers, and I loved how I felt whole, attractive, and like I was okay... like I was peaceful with my place and role in the universe. I loved that I simultaneously felt beautiful and playful, but that I wasn't focused on self.

I sat there in a wheelchair in front of a roomful of people talking about how radical hospitality changes a person and what radical hospitality means to a person with a disability. And I felt like I was doing one of the things I was created to do. It was wonderful.

No doubt, it was made more wonderful because I was confident in my attractiveness, too. Having lost so much weight, I feel like I look good, and that attitude must radiate outward. I wore a cute tweed skirt with black tights, black ankle boots, a striped sweater and a pink jean jacket. It felt wonderful to feel pretty.

I love the strength and wholeness that is growing inside of me.