Romanced by Pepperoni

It's Friday night and I'm bored out of my gourd. After a fast-paced day of lunch with a great friend, followed by shopping at my favorite Goodwill 50% off sale (found some terrific skirts and sweaters!), I'm feeling very restless and disinterested in everything... even the thought of reading doesn't hold much appeal. Gasp. (I can't remember EVER not wanting to read. Even when I've had a stomach bug with my head hanging over the toilet, I'd reach for the toothpaste tube or shampoo bottle... anything, anything, anything as long as it had words.)

Actually, there is something that's grabbed my attention. For the first time in four months, I'm having food cravings. Good thing there's nothing in the house, or I would be hip deep in pizza, cheesecake, chips and sour cream dip, chocolate chip cookies, lasagna... well, you get the idea. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? Here I am minding my own business, happily munching a stalk of celery and preparing to settle in for a good workout on my Nustep, and BOOM! all these old food longings have reared their vicious, ugly heads.

Part of my journey towards wellness is to try to understand myself better,to understand how I use food in ways other than sustenance, and to learn healthier behaviors and emotional responses to life besides self-medicating with food.

Perhaps the past couple of weeks are catching up with me. I've had some pretty major highs and lows emotionally. Amazing adventures coupled with surprising defeats. Right now, I'd like to curl up on the couch with a giant bowl of ice cream smothered in chocolate syrup and whipped cream and just eat myself into oblivion.

I've done that before... the eating into oblivion thing -- eating to numb the pain and to create a food-induced form of chemical unconsciousness. I don't want to go there again. Getting healthy, fit, and looking good is too much fun.

During the past 24 hours,running into acquaintances at restaurants and stores, I've been told:
" You look GREAT!" (Weird, this is the first thing almost everybody exclaims.)
"You look 20 years younger"
"You look healthy and happy"
"Seeing you like this has made my day!"
"Look at you! Love seeing you wearing makeup and jewelry!"
"HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST?!!!"
"You look marvelous."
"Lynna, is that you? I wasn't sure if that was you?"
"You have beautiful eyes. They really show up now."
"You seem so grounded and balanced."

I've had people in the past week go out of their way to send me messages (facebook and even a greeting card in the mail) remarking on how wonderful I look. It's pretty amazing stuff. Even more amazing, I agree with them. I know I am looking really good and know I am feeling even better. I feel a sense of power, accomplishment, and well-being knowing that I am taking care of myself and I'm getting healthier and stronger every day.

In the midst of the circumstances of my life (the good, the bad, and the ugly), it's comfortingly solid to have a sense that I do have some control over my well being and that I can affect some changes for the better.

Okay. I feel better. Don't feel quite the urge to call Domino's for the stuffed crust pizza that's been calling my name like a tantalizing lover. Nustep: It's you and me tonight, babe. Sorry for being so lukewarm about our date. You may not be as sexy or exciting as pepperoni and sausage, but you are true-blue and I'm glad to have you. Let's get this party started...