Decreasing Disability

while reading "diet blogs", I realize that something has changed inside of me and I am different than most of the dieters out there. Most people view their diet as something they must do for x amount of time to reach y weight... it's goal oriented deprivation.

I don't expect to ever be at goal and to then stop what I'm doing.

Let me say that again: I don't expect to ever be at goal and to then stop what I am doing.

My journey isn't a diet, but a quest for fitness, and I know that even at 120 pounds there will always be new peaks, vistas, and mountains to climb.

I have my disability to thank, in large part, for this revised perspective. The old me approached dieting very much from that "must not eat this until I am slim enough" mentality. (It usually worked as long as I didn't eat the forbidden fruit. But, man on man, once I lost "enough" weight and started allowing myself to eat the junk again, the pounds packed on.) It's taken me almost fifty years to learn that diet mentality is a recipe for disaster.

Back to the gift of disability: Because I have so much weakness, and because I don't know how much fitness I might gain through losing weight and exercise, the possibilities are endless... there is no defined goal at the end, just a lifelong journey of exploration and trying.

After twenty years or more of physical decline due to CMT, poor eating habits, weight gain and inactivity, it has been THRILLING to find my body spiralling upward in ability and in strength. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still a wheelchair-user and still disabled, BUT I know how much stronger I am growing, how much easier tasks are becoming, and how I am seeing added abilities rather than increasing disabilities.

After years and years of watching abilities slip away, one after another, to see gains in function is like life from death. This journey I'm on isn't a diet/exercise plan, but a quest to explore the far reaches of "what is possible". I know it is very possible that I will one day (and not too far off!) be an extremely fit wheelchair-user. Might I walk again? Doesn't seem likely due to the biochemistry of my disease and the effects it has on muscles in my lower legs and to some degree my upper legs, too. Even so, I find those weakened/paralyzed muscles are responding to exercise and growing stronger. My torso and arms seem to be normal in functioning and the horizons for strength gains there seem enormous.

I love this body of mine. Finally, finally, finally... after decades of rejecting it, fighting it, being ashamed of it, it's my beloved friend. And I want to treat this friend with kindness by filling it with nutritious food and enjoying the experience of moving together. (Exercise has become something more like a fun dance than a boring chore.) I don't see myself reverting to my former eating habits and inactivity... decreasing disability is well worth lifelong change.