Crying on the Trail

I was finishing up my last 0.5 mile of my 5 mile roll this morning when a woman made me cry.


Walking towards me with purpose, I could tell this athletic, tall, slim woman had something to say so I took out my Ipod headphones.

"I just wanted you to know that I am out here walking now because I drove by, saw you, and decided that even though my back is killing me, I could do this, too. Thank you for being an inspiration."

I teared up... I'd been praying all morning for a friend who has paraplegia whose back has gone out... It's like, "Enough already, God! It's hard enough just being disabled, could you help out a little here with just a tiny healing touch! He's trying so hard to keep his life together, maintain a job and a household, and stay healthy. It's a huge load to carry, and to have your back go out after going to the gym... well, it just hurts that he has it so hard."

The woman on the walking trail... like I said, I don't know why she impacted me so deeply, but I cried hard as I traveled the rest of the way back to my car. Maybe it was just recognizing that the courage to live expansively with disability, as difficult as that can sometimes be, can affect positive change. There is joy in that. And I don't think my friend with paraplegia knows that joy. He just knows the drudgery of the dailiness of it all... the pain and the suckiness. And that makes me cry, again. Because I want him to experience the joy that can be lived in the midst of the pain.

Beyond Blessed

Middle school, in my city, begins in the 5th grade. Years ago, when my now 22 year-old son began middle school, I was in the throes of a rapid escalation of my disability, and I avoided all possible contact with J's friends... never, ever went to the school... was so certain that it would be painful... that I would face rejection, or worse... ridicule. I was desperately wrong and missed out on alot of opportunities to love and to be loved.

Contrast that fearful and lonely time with this week- I am leading the rising 5th graders at my church in our "Kids' Camp" and I have seldom felt so much love flowing in both directions. Simply put: the kids love me, and I them. And it is a beautiful thing. Oh, I can't get down on the ground with them for their picnic supper, nor play games in recreation, but I CAN do the more important things... I can see them through love's eyes, I can show them honor, I can listen to them and laugh with them. I'm an awesome adult leader of kids... who knew!!!!

They clamor for the honor of pushing my wheelchair to the next activity... it's become something I offer as a reward for good behavior. hehe

I used to think that progressing disability would correlate directly with decreasing love. I was desperately wrong. Thank God. My life grows increasing rich with relationships full of love and the abundant life that Jesus promised increases continually. I am in awe and beyond blessed to be living this life.

Pure Joy

When I began rolling at the river trail a few months ago, I had no idea how life giving it would be... I just knew that from the very first time I tried it, it felt "right".

That first Sunday, walking the dog with my son, going about a mile, enjoying the spring breezes and smiles of other walkers on the trail, was like opening a chapter to the next exploration of my life.

Since that time, I've tried to hit the trail at least five times a week... it is such a source of spiritual, emotional, social and physical well being. I've talked to several hundred people, ministered directly to several dozen hurting souls, impacted countless drivers who are "inspired" as they drive by and see me, deeply connected with a handful of friends who had gotten lost in the shuffle of life whom I enountered on the trail. I've spent a good hundred hours or more contemplating the wonders of Creation, God's glory, and intimate conversation with God. I praise and sing as I roll. I finish my time on the trail, and I am usually exhausted, but feel a deep sense of well being... even joy.

And, if all of that isn't blessing enough, my body continues to grow stronger and healthier. Last week I rolled a total of 20 miles. This past Sunday, I rolled 7.5 miles, my longest distance to date. The idea of participating in a 10K is no longer a distant dream, but a very possible reality.

Loving this... pure joy.

Brief Update

My viewing public has requested an update. P, thanks for asking!!! (Does one person constitute "viewing public"? lol)

I'm very much in a fervent stage of growth... this whole experience of dating and talking with men in "that way" for the first time since I was 21 is taking alot of time, attention, and energy, to say the least. Combine that with starting a new job in sales and marketing (for which I am deeply unexperienced), and my daughter's graduation from high school, and finding a place in a new church, and I am too busy to focus much on wellness... just coasting on the good habits I've established over the past year.

I am learning things about myself in the midst of this dating experience... not all good things... and it is almost overwhelming. However, in the midst of these profound changes, I am managing to stay balanced, reasonably so, with carving out time to exercise, and I am still choosing (mostly) healthy food choices. I think I've stayed at a constant weight for the past two months, and I'm happy with that plateau, even while it's probably time to begin another trek up the mountain to secure more weight loss... if I stayed at this size for the rest of my life, it wouldn't be the end of the world, but I sense there is more God wants of me... even more weight loss and fitness gains. Right now, though, the more important "wellness" matters have to do with the state of my soul and health therein in the midst of male/female relationships. Wellness is about SO much more than the size of one's body. It's the overall state of health that matters. Right now, the emotional/spiritual components of wellness have bubbled up as more important.
Posted by Lynna at 5:09 PM