I sincerely hope I don't kick the bucket in 2011! This is my list of dreams, desires, hopes and goals that I hope to see in 2011 before 2011 kicks the bucket a year from now! I intend for this to be a constantly evolving list... some things may get crossed off as unimportant two months from now, and I may see something two weeks from now that is Essential that I had completely overlooked today. Having given that disclaimer, here's my 2011 Bucket List:
1) First on the list, maybe not the most important, but the one that bubbles up above everything else: I want to be kissed by a terrific man in 2011. Not any ol' ordinary kiss... I want a make your knees weak, worthy of the silver screen, romantic, take me to another realm kiss. The kind of kiss that inspires new vistas and possibilities. The kind of kiss that you read about in fairy tales.
2) I want adventure. I'm kinda scared to proclaim that... adventure can be rugged, difficult, painful and dangerous... the growth producing kind. Not sure THAT is what I'm asking of 2011! I want the growth and excitement and challenge of adventure without the pain. Is that possible? Seriously, I ask that question. And if adventure cannot be divorced from struggle, do I still desire it? (And whether, I desire it or not, is probably immaterial... I don't really get to control what comes my way. God has God's own 2011 bucket list in mind for my life!)
BUT, if I COULD write a script for adventure in 2011, the fun and challenging kind, that is, it would possibly look like this:
Travel! I yearn to experience other cultures. I yearn for immersion in other ways of life. I don't desire sterile, comfortable hotel rooms, safe travel, and normal Americanized food. I crave rides on camels or donkeys, sleeping on the floor of a hut in some unknown village in central Asia, smiling and "conversing" over tea with people whose spoken language I do not know, hugging and being hugged by bright-eyed children, trying new food that makes my eyes water, and that I even approach with a little daring trepidation.
A pretty daunting desire for a woman in a wheelchair. All of this would require a CONSIDERABLE amount of vulnerability, creativity, and community effort. (For example, outside of the realm of the Americans with Disability Act accommodations in the US, and Americanized hotel standards, any travel would require overcoming obstacles... help standing up from a toilet (or hole in the ground) that doesn't have grab bars, help to be carried over craggy ground, etc.)
In the meantime, as I patiently await the confluence of circumstances and people to allow that kind of travel adventure to emerge, I will pay attention to the daily adventures that await just outside my front door. Every time I go to Walmart or Food City, there are always opportunities to encounter adventure. It doesn't have to be half-way around the world. I will remain open to that with my hands and eyes wide open.
3) I want to do some good in the world, and I hope to do that AND earn some income at the same time. I long to be used to touch peoples' lives and to hear their stories. I long to help them connect their stories to the bigger story of the gospel, even as they help me connect myt own life to that narrative.
At this point in my life, I don't have a clue about the specifics of that dream... is it in a church environment? Does it involve going back to school for more education? Does it involve disability ministry? Does it involve the secular counseling field? Or none of the above. Help God!!! I need you to guide this. I need to know Your plans for my future so that I don't go off in counter-productive directions. I am trying to wait patiently for guidance before making choices. But, on the other hand, I don't know if I need to take a leap and do something and trust that you will steer the ship in the right direction. Like I said, "Help, God!"
4) I want to lose another 50 pounds. AND I want to continue building muscles and enjoy the possibilities that await for using my body. I've said before that I don't expect to ever be a marathon runner, and probably not even an "around the block walker", but I KNOW that every time I exercise, I FEEL like a world-class athlete. What I am doing with my body is every bit as marvelous and exciting and challenging as, say, an athlete training for the Olympics. While the RESULTS might not be the same, there is a similar spirit of challenge, hope, persistence, discipline.
I just look forward to 2011 to seeing what happens, without any defined expectations. I am excited about continually trying new things as regards moving my body... that might mean trying out a 3-wheeled cycle down at the river walking track, or finding a gym and seeing what possibilities exist for strength-building, or going swimming in the lake this summer, or...
Along these lines of losing weight and growing more physically fit, I'm excited to see where I will be on July 24 when I turn 50. (I can see an EXTREMELY fit, sexy and healthy woman in a wheelchair 7 months down the road. Takes my breath away!)
I'm also excited to go to Kelly's graduation from High School at the end of May in a beautiful sundress and her being proud of her mom. I'm excited to take her to college in the fall looking classy and healthy and her being proud of her mom. Good stuff.
5) I want to continue the grand adventure of learning. Does that involve formal education? Does it involve weekly trips to the library? What topics? Bible, Spanish, counseling, psychology. I need your help here, too, God... there are just SO many possibilities...
6) I want to do some intentional writing in 2011. I need to devote an hour a day to writing the "Great American Autobiography about the Woman who Became Able After she became Disabled".
Let's see where I am here: I want a world-class romance, adventure in the Himalayas, to impact peoples' lives, to lose 50 pounds, to explore the marvelous physical limits of my body, to stuff my head full of wonderful knowledge, and to write a blockbuster book. Seems like enough, for now. smile. Although, as I said, this list is a living thing, and an hour from now, even, it could be different!
2011: I'm excited to know you and hope I will avail myself of all that you offer!! Excited to see what plans God has in store for my future. 2010, I have a love/hate thing going on with you. But, I thank you for all you've brought into my life this year... the good, the bad, and the ugly. It hasn't been boring!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Retrospective
A Recap of a MOST interesting year:
Extreme challenges to my faith in community. Still reeling here. Still healing. Still assessing and learning.
Quit one job. Let go from another. Major challenges to my vision of who I am and the work that God has for me to do in the world. Still reeling. Still healing. Still assessing and learning.
First trip out off the country. LOVED THE ADVENTURE! (Serious travel lust has emerged.)
Speaking of lust: Major attraction to a wonderful man... a wonderful *MARRIED* man. Wrestled the attraction and pinned it to the mat. (Hey, at least I know I am still alive!)
Re-gained abilities to: roll over in bed, get off the ground with out calling the fire department... basically, every physical function of my entire life became about 50% easier. It's kind of hard to assess, but I know that so many things that I formerly had to think about, I now do without having to pay attention, just autopilot.
First time in ten years I've wanted to gaze at myself in a mirror
Saw sexy collar bones emerge
Wore skirts and tights (even a denim mini-skirt and looked damned good!)
Bought cute shoes and ankle boots (no more basic black Maryjanes!)
Got hilights in my hair. Love.
Income level dropped by 66% (hey, it was kinda cool being poor back in college. I'm re-visiting my 20 year-old self!)
Exercise level increased by some huge percentage (from zero minutes/day to between 60 and 120 PER DAY!) LOVE this! Exercising has become a MAJOR joy.
Lost 200 sticks of butter (my family's way of describing weight loss... 4 sticks of butter is equivalent to one pound. Do the math..)
(I think I might go to the grocery today and visualize 50 packages of butter. Would people think it strange if I tied them onto my body to get the full visual?)
2010: You have been one of the more interesting years of my life. I'm grateful to have known you. I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to learn from all the lessons you brought my way, but I'm sure 2011 will be an apt teacher, too.
Here's to another year of learning and growing...
Extreme challenges to my faith in community. Still reeling here. Still healing. Still assessing and learning.
Quit one job. Let go from another. Major challenges to my vision of who I am and the work that God has for me to do in the world. Still reeling. Still healing. Still assessing and learning.
First trip out off the country. LOVED THE ADVENTURE! (Serious travel lust has emerged.)
Speaking of lust: Major attraction to a wonderful man... a wonderful *MARRIED* man. Wrestled the attraction and pinned it to the mat. (Hey, at least I know I am still alive!)
Re-gained abilities to: roll over in bed, get off the ground with out calling the fire department... basically, every physical function of my entire life became about 50% easier. It's kind of hard to assess, but I know that so many things that I formerly had to think about, I now do without having to pay attention, just autopilot.
First time in ten years I've wanted to gaze at myself in a mirror
Saw sexy collar bones emerge
Wore skirts and tights (even a denim mini-skirt and looked damned good!)
Bought cute shoes and ankle boots (no more basic black Maryjanes!)
Got hilights in my hair. Love.
Income level dropped by 66% (hey, it was kinda cool being poor back in college. I'm re-visiting my 20 year-old self!)
Exercise level increased by some huge percentage (from zero minutes/day to between 60 and 120 PER DAY!) LOVE this! Exercising has become a MAJOR joy.
Lost 200 sticks of butter (my family's way of describing weight loss... 4 sticks of butter is equivalent to one pound. Do the math..)
(I think I might go to the grocery today and visualize 50 packages of butter. Would people think it strange if I tied them onto my body to get the full visual?)
2010: You have been one of the more interesting years of my life. I'm grateful to have known you. I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to learn from all the lessons you brought my way, but I'm sure 2011 will be an apt teacher, too.
Here's to another year of learning and growing...
Friday, December 17, 2010
A Tale of Two Walmart Trips
OMG! I have been thinking about the contrast between last December and this one, and I am completely blown away... blown away by how unnecessarily difficult my life was before and the contrast with today.
I just returned from a shopping excursion to Walmart. Last year, I went out on Christmas Eve for a few last minute stocking stuffers and some groceries for Christmas dinner. I expected to be 30 minutes in the store and then head to the candlelight service at church.
By December 24, I was running on fumes. As such, instead of trying to walk into the store, I asked a customer to enlist a greeter to bring me a wheelchair or scooter. A few minutes later, my chariot arrived. I had hoped for a scooter, but it was one of their rickety wheelchairs. Rather than trying to shop from the WC, I decided to wait for a scooter to become available. I sat near the entrance and imagined stories for all the customers coming and going. What manner of people goes to Walmart on Christmas Eve, for Pete's sake. (Oh wait... I was one of them. oh well) ONE HOUR later, a scooter appeared. And it was obviously running on fumes. I decided to give it a spin... desperate to get out of the store. (In retrospect, though, I can not fathom why I didn't just do my shopping from the WC unless I was seriously exhausted.) Anyhow, launching out into the store with a gauge showing "Dead Battery" was not well advised. I made it about 25 feet. At that point, I had to choose: leave the store with absolutely NOTHING to show for my efforts and go to church (and what would we have for dinner!!!! ARGH!) or wait for the scooter to charge.
Thinking 45 minutes probably gave the battery the boost it needed to accomodate my shopping needs, I hopped on and gave it another whirl. And lasted for about 20 minutes, before the dang thing died in the frozen food aisle. Fortunately, I noticed outlets on the bottom of the chest freezers in the center of the aisle, and plugged in to get another charge. At this point, I was NOT in a very cheery Christmas frame of mind and wanted to go "Walmart". (This is the equivalent of "going postal", just the crippled woman stuck in the freakin' Walmart frozen food aisle version.) I could have done some serious damage lobbing those stinkin' frozen cornish hens. "Hey customer, better DUCK!!" harharharaharhar... Peace on Earth, Morons!
I sat there entertaining myself for another 30 minutes while gleefully planning my Cbristmas Eve fowl deeds, and then I made a beeline for the check-out line. My sanity and the well being of all those poor last-minute shoppers was in serious jeapoardy. When I got home, I called my next door neighbor to help me into my house with my purchases.
I left my house at 4 pm and got home at 9 pm. Madness. Sheer and total madness.
Ahhh, but today... I expertly rolled my WC to my car, loaded it with proficiency (having learned by watching a Youtube video),unloaded and reassembled it in the Walmart parking lot, and briskly rolled for the store. (And wearing a bluejean miniskirt, black boots, and looking very good, if I am allowed to say so.) I didn't even think about using a scooter. I grabbed a shopping cart and wheeled my chair with one hand while pushing the cart with the other. I shopped for several hours, all over the store, and had a fantastic time.
A very sweet elderly man offered to push my cart to the parking lot, and I gladly accepted his kindness even though I was capable of handling the task on my own. When I got home, I pulled my wheelchair from the passenger seat across my body and out the car door where I snapped on the wheels and then etrieved my purchases from the back seat.
It was a little tricky rolling up the ramp holding 8-10 bags, but I carried half of them from my mouth. (It's efficient, but looks a little silly.)
I wheeled into my CLEAN house where Christmas music was playing, Christmas lights were glowing, and felt the most incredible sense of well-being and power.
It's a week before Christmas and I'm ready to relax with my kids and enjoy the holiday. The kitchen is spotless and ready for some serious holiday baking (something we have always wanted to do, but it always got lost in the frenzy of activities). This is my daughter's last Christmas at home before going to college next year, and I am trying to create a special Christmas for her. And I am having the most marvelous time giving her and Jeff this special attention and care. It feels like home.
I just returned from a shopping excursion to Walmart. Last year, I went out on Christmas Eve for a few last minute stocking stuffers and some groceries for Christmas dinner. I expected to be 30 minutes in the store and then head to the candlelight service at church.
By December 24, I was running on fumes. As such, instead of trying to walk into the store, I asked a customer to enlist a greeter to bring me a wheelchair or scooter. A few minutes later, my chariot arrived. I had hoped for a scooter, but it was one of their rickety wheelchairs. Rather than trying to shop from the WC, I decided to wait for a scooter to become available. I sat near the entrance and imagined stories for all the customers coming and going. What manner of people goes to Walmart on Christmas Eve, for Pete's sake. (Oh wait... I was one of them. oh well) ONE HOUR later, a scooter appeared. And it was obviously running on fumes. I decided to give it a spin... desperate to get out of the store. (In retrospect, though, I can not fathom why I didn't just do my shopping from the WC unless I was seriously exhausted.) Anyhow, launching out into the store with a gauge showing "Dead Battery" was not well advised. I made it about 25 feet. At that point, I had to choose: leave the store with absolutely NOTHING to show for my efforts and go to church (and what would we have for dinner!!!! ARGH!) or wait for the scooter to charge.
Thinking 45 minutes probably gave the battery the boost it needed to accomodate my shopping needs, I hopped on and gave it another whirl. And lasted for about 20 minutes, before the dang thing died in the frozen food aisle. Fortunately, I noticed outlets on the bottom of the chest freezers in the center of the aisle, and plugged in to get another charge. At this point, I was NOT in a very cheery Christmas frame of mind and wanted to go "Walmart". (This is the equivalent of "going postal", just the crippled woman stuck in the freakin' Walmart frozen food aisle version.) I could have done some serious damage lobbing those stinkin' frozen cornish hens. "Hey customer, better DUCK!!" harharharaharhar... Peace on Earth, Morons!
I sat there entertaining myself for another 30 minutes while gleefully planning my Cbristmas Eve fowl deeds, and then I made a beeline for the check-out line. My sanity and the well being of all those poor last-minute shoppers was in serious jeapoardy. When I got home, I called my next door neighbor to help me into my house with my purchases.
I left my house at 4 pm and got home at 9 pm. Madness. Sheer and total madness.
Ahhh, but today... I expertly rolled my WC to my car, loaded it with proficiency (having learned by watching a Youtube video),unloaded and reassembled it in the Walmart parking lot, and briskly rolled for the store. (And wearing a bluejean miniskirt, black boots, and looking very good, if I am allowed to say so.) I didn't even think about using a scooter. I grabbed a shopping cart and wheeled my chair with one hand while pushing the cart with the other. I shopped for several hours, all over the store, and had a fantastic time.
A very sweet elderly man offered to push my cart to the parking lot, and I gladly accepted his kindness even though I was capable of handling the task on my own. When I got home, I pulled my wheelchair from the passenger seat across my body and out the car door where I snapped on the wheels and then etrieved my purchases from the back seat.
It was a little tricky rolling up the ramp holding 8-10 bags, but I carried half of them from my mouth. (It's efficient, but looks a little silly.)
I wheeled into my CLEAN house where Christmas music was playing, Christmas lights were glowing, and felt the most incredible sense of well-being and power.
It's a week before Christmas and I'm ready to relax with my kids and enjoy the holiday. The kitchen is spotless and ready for some serious holiday baking (something we have always wanted to do, but it always got lost in the frenzy of activities). This is my daughter's last Christmas at home before going to college next year, and I am trying to create a special Christmas for her. And I am having the most marvelous time giving her and Jeff this special attention and care. It feels like home.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
It's Dangerous in Thar
I do not get my brain. I joke about it "being dangerous in thar", but, in reality, it is a little bit treacherous.
Yesterday, Jeff came in from cleaning the carport. (He was going through the piles of junk I had been accumulating. One major contributor to the junk: In August, I purchased a HUGE box of miscellaneous office stuff at an auction... kind of a mystery package full of God only knows what. Like space heaters with cords that had been cut off, cheap plastic fans, and some really cool models of molecules made by scientists at the Oak Ridge National Lab that made the whole purchase a coupe.) Back to Jeff: "Hey Mom, here's something you can give to somebody for Christmas... somebody you don't like." It was a huge tin full of individually wrapped chocolate chip cookies. Now, seeing how I bought this at an auction in August, after it had sat in somebody's office since at least the previous Christmas (maybe more), and it had sat on my blistering hot carport for August and then into freezing weather this winter, it makes sense that one wouldn't be too tempted by those cookies.
Ummm. That would make sense. But that's where my brain gets tricky. That tin of cookies sat across from my computer the rest of the day, and, I kid you not, I got grouchier and grouchier and grouchier. Those damn cookies, those damn inedible, nasty, gnarly cookies sang to me. I was seriously tempted to eat them. Not one of them. THEM. All 30 or 40. WHAT THE HECK??? We are talking cookies that quite possibly were bacteriologically unfit to eat. Hard as rocks. And I wanted them.
How many things in my life are like that... things that I KNOW are c-r-a-z-y bad for me, yet, I indulge anyway because I want them... just because I want them?
This sad little tale does end on a happy note: I asked Jeff to dive-bomb the tin into the garbage. (Hmmm. I wonder if there's still time to retrieve it before the garbage pick-up?)
Yesterday, Jeff came in from cleaning the carport. (He was going through the piles of junk I had been accumulating. One major contributor to the junk: In August, I purchased a HUGE box of miscellaneous office stuff at an auction... kind of a mystery package full of God only knows what. Like space heaters with cords that had been cut off, cheap plastic fans, and some really cool models of molecules made by scientists at the Oak Ridge National Lab that made the whole purchase a coupe.) Back to Jeff: "Hey Mom, here's something you can give to somebody for Christmas... somebody you don't like." It was a huge tin full of individually wrapped chocolate chip cookies. Now, seeing how I bought this at an auction in August, after it had sat in somebody's office since at least the previous Christmas (maybe more), and it had sat on my blistering hot carport for August and then into freezing weather this winter, it makes sense that one wouldn't be too tempted by those cookies.
Ummm. That would make sense. But that's where my brain gets tricky. That tin of cookies sat across from my computer the rest of the day, and, I kid you not, I got grouchier and grouchier and grouchier. Those damn cookies, those damn inedible, nasty, gnarly cookies sang to me. I was seriously tempted to eat them. Not one of them. THEM. All 30 or 40. WHAT THE HECK??? We are talking cookies that quite possibly were bacteriologically unfit to eat. Hard as rocks. And I wanted them.
How many things in my life are like that... things that I KNOW are c-r-a-z-y bad for me, yet, I indulge anyway because I want them... just because I want them?
This sad little tale does end on a happy note: I asked Jeff to dive-bomb the tin into the garbage. (Hmmm. I wonder if there's still time to retrieve it before the garbage pick-up?)
Monday, December 13, 2010
Jubilee
I've been alive for fifty Christmas holidays. And I can safely say, without hesitation, that the other 49 were FULL of delicious food. My dad's country ham, Mom's meatballs on Christmas Eve, Grandma Jo's galettes, Grandma Ruby's oyster stuffing, banana nut cake (the best cake EVER!), bourbon balls and the list could run on for pages. My family knows what to do with food and does it very, very well.
Too well.
For 49 years it was a freakin' feast in December and a flippin' fast in January. I would spend January through... about Easter... just losing the extra pounds I had packed on between Halloween and New Years. (Oh, Lynna! You LIE, girl! You didn't GAIN 100 pounds in a ten year span by losing the winter weight!!! You don't fool me, nosireeBob! You sat down every January 1 and wrote out a great plan. And followed it for a week, ten days, tops.)
Well now. Who invited HER to share space on MY blog? As irritating as she is, that more honest version of me, I must say she's spot on. Darn her.
Ahhh, but you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. After 49 years of spending the holidays eating to my heart's content, I'm doing something different this year... I'm feasting on the good feelings that come from a healthier body and find that my heart is quite content to abstain. The most decadent thing I've had off-plan so far this month is a 60 calorie cup of hot cider. Even though I'm not indulging in treats and holiday fare, I'm feasting on the good feelings of staying disciplined and treating myself with tender care.
Maybe one day, I'll add holiday goodies back into my life... a few here and there in moderation,... as special treats; but for now, I've had more than my share over a lifetime, and I'm satisfied. What once felt like deprivation, now feels like amazingly good sense and balance.
Besides, I have a one year jump start on my New Year's Resolution since I actually started my fitness quest in earnest this PAST January. Come January, I'll just keep doing what I've been doing for a year, and be grateful that the momentum continues.
I so love Snickerdoodles and Chex party mix and eggnog with Bourbon, etc., I love even more that I'm giving myself another size smaller for Christmas. Merry Christmas, Lynna!
Too well.
For 49 years it was a freakin' feast in December and a flippin' fast in January. I would spend January through... about Easter... just losing the extra pounds I had packed on between Halloween and New Years. (Oh, Lynna! You LIE, girl! You didn't GAIN 100 pounds in a ten year span by losing the winter weight!!! You don't fool me, nosireeBob! You sat down every January 1 and wrote out a great plan. And followed it for a week, ten days, tops.)
Well now. Who invited HER to share space on MY blog? As irritating as she is, that more honest version of me, I must say she's spot on. Darn her.
Ahhh, but you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. After 49 years of spending the holidays eating to my heart's content, I'm doing something different this year... I'm feasting on the good feelings that come from a healthier body and find that my heart is quite content to abstain. The most decadent thing I've had off-plan so far this month is a 60 calorie cup of hot cider. Even though I'm not indulging in treats and holiday fare, I'm feasting on the good feelings of staying disciplined and treating myself with tender care.
Maybe one day, I'll add holiday goodies back into my life... a few here and there in moderation,... as special treats; but for now, I've had more than my share over a lifetime, and I'm satisfied. What once felt like deprivation, now feels like amazingly good sense and balance.
Besides, I have a one year jump start on my New Year's Resolution since I actually started my fitness quest in earnest this PAST January. Come January, I'll just keep doing what I've been doing for a year, and be grateful that the momentum continues.
I so love Snickerdoodles and Chex party mix and eggnog with Bourbon, etc., I love even more that I'm giving myself another size smaller for Christmas. Merry Christmas, Lynna!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Everybody has a Home Gym
About a year ago, when I shared my exercise routine on my Nustep with a doctor friend, he suggested that I might enjoy more benefits in terms of strengthening by broadening my activities. Specifically, he suggested I put on some great music and begin to move my body in whatever ways seemed good... kinda like Jazzercize... ONLY (and here is the key difference)instead of in the living room in front of an exercise video, or at a gym with an instructor, to do it from my bed. (I need to be careful how I word this post... I can imagine the hits I might get if I'm not careful!)
And so, I bought a set of resistance bands (a mere $20 at Walmart) and started moving. Nothing fancy. Nothing scientific. Nothing that I had to learn from a trainer.
I begin by sitting on the edge of my bed and use the resistance bands to exercise my arms and shoulders. My bedroom mirror is just across the room and I love watching the muscles in my upper body as I move against the resistance. (I imagine one day being able to do a chin-up, something that I strained to do in Elementary school, but could not. Shoot, let's make that ten chin-ups!)
After about 15 minutes on my upper body, I swing my legs into bed (before, I had to lift them into bed, and with a fair amount of difficulty), and begin doing sit-ups. When I began a few months ago, I attached the resistance band to my foot and used the tension from it to help my too weak stomach muscles. I started out with about 5 sit-ups. I now do about 100 each night with my arms across my chest... which is to say, my stomach muscles are extraordinarily stronger.
Next, I recline and do what I call "Knee Crunches". With my legs together, I bend my legs at the knee and pull them towards my chest and then back towards the bed, repeat. Again, when I started, a couple of these and my stomach muscles screamed, "Stop!". Last night, I think I did about 300. (I'm not sure, I lost count. It has become so much fun just to keep moving until I am about to drop off to sleep; and I reach a point where I'm exercising in a state between awake and asleep.)
A variation on the "knee crunches": I pull my knees towards my chest and then with them in the air, open and shut my knees, kind of like wings flapping, 200 times. (My kids have learned to knock on my bedroom door. After a time or two of wandering in and seeing me in full-blown exercise mode, they've grown more cautious. Like Smeagol in the Lord of the Rings, they exclaim, "It burns us, Master!")
Next I lie flat on my back, bend my knees slightly, and with legs together, roll my hips all the way to the left until my left leg touches the mattress, and then to the right. And repeat about 200 times. (No wonder rolling over in bed has become so much easier.)
A new exercise I've added: I wrap the resistance band around both ankles, raise my legs straight into the air, and then pull my legs apart (like a "v") as far as I can and hold them there for a few seconds. I repeat this 100 times.
And I top it off with some old-fashioned leg lifts. I begin with my legs straight up in the air and lower them until they are at about 45 degrees from the bed. I hold them in that position for a few seconds and lift them back to 90 degrees. I can only do this about 5-10 tims before my left leg starts quivering. Time to stop.
Exercising in bed: It's safe, fun, relaxing, inexpensive, empowering. Highly recommended.
And so, I bought a set of resistance bands (a mere $20 at Walmart) and started moving. Nothing fancy. Nothing scientific. Nothing that I had to learn from a trainer.
I begin by sitting on the edge of my bed and use the resistance bands to exercise my arms and shoulders. My bedroom mirror is just across the room and I love watching the muscles in my upper body as I move against the resistance. (I imagine one day being able to do a chin-up, something that I strained to do in Elementary school, but could not. Shoot, let's make that ten chin-ups!)
After about 15 minutes on my upper body, I swing my legs into bed (before, I had to lift them into bed, and with a fair amount of difficulty), and begin doing sit-ups. When I began a few months ago, I attached the resistance band to my foot and used the tension from it to help my too weak stomach muscles. I started out with about 5 sit-ups. I now do about 100 each night with my arms across my chest... which is to say, my stomach muscles are extraordinarily stronger.
Next, I recline and do what I call "Knee Crunches". With my legs together, I bend my legs at the knee and pull them towards my chest and then back towards the bed, repeat. Again, when I started, a couple of these and my stomach muscles screamed, "Stop!". Last night, I think I did about 300. (I'm not sure, I lost count. It has become so much fun just to keep moving until I am about to drop off to sleep; and I reach a point where I'm exercising in a state between awake and asleep.)
A variation on the "knee crunches": I pull my knees towards my chest and then with them in the air, open and shut my knees, kind of like wings flapping, 200 times. (My kids have learned to knock on my bedroom door. After a time or two of wandering in and seeing me in full-blown exercise mode, they've grown more cautious. Like Smeagol in the Lord of the Rings, they exclaim, "It burns us, Master!")
Next I lie flat on my back, bend my knees slightly, and with legs together, roll my hips all the way to the left until my left leg touches the mattress, and then to the right. And repeat about 200 times. (No wonder rolling over in bed has become so much easier.)
A new exercise I've added: I wrap the resistance band around both ankles, raise my legs straight into the air, and then pull my legs apart (like a "v") as far as I can and hold them there for a few seconds. I repeat this 100 times.
And I top it off with some old-fashioned leg lifts. I begin with my legs straight up in the air and lower them until they are at about 45 degrees from the bed. I hold them in that position for a few seconds and lift them back to 90 degrees. I can only do this about 5-10 tims before my left leg starts quivering. Time to stop.
Exercising in bed: It's safe, fun, relaxing, inexpensive, empowering. Highly recommended.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Wellness Ripples Into the Laundry Room
A week ago, this room was knee-deep in laundry. Today, all the laundry is done and I found some fun decorations at the Salvation Army thrift store. Today, this room is my favorite in the house. I even go looking in other rooms for things to launder to have an excuse to spend time there. I call that wellness. :)
PUHLEAZE can we talk about it????
Without a doubt, my biggest frustration of 2010, and the biggest life lesson, too, incidentally, is that sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how much you want to work things out with people, they might not want the same thing, and it might not be possible.
I have been a bulldog. I detest conflict and relationship ruptures with a vehement passion and probably have been offputting in the past in my zeal to "talk things through." I hate letting things sit unresolved. And, yet, I don't have control of other peoples' free will. (Hey, even God doesn't, and that is some comfort.) This same pattern has developed several times this year, and I may not be totally bright, but, after getting hit over the head a few times with a club, I start to pay attention.
Sometimes, wellness means I have to sit in the pain of broken relationships. I'm not always good at sitting with the pain, especially when the frustration mounts. My mouth... the one with the sarcastic, biting tongue... can make things worse. Oh, I might momentarily *feel* better for wreaking some pain on the other person who is being so obstinate and hurting me in their refusal to make things better, but, ultimately that momentary release results in long-term spiritual harm.
I'm getting better, marginally, at biting my tongue (to a bloody pulp every once in awhile to keep from flailing it like a rope of barbed wire against the ones I love who are the cause of such pain)and saying, "I don't have control and I just have to wait and hope that things will change someday."
No Control. Waiting. Sitting in Pain. Sucky Life Lessons. But, good lessons to know if one hopes to be well. And I do.
I have been a bulldog. I detest conflict and relationship ruptures with a vehement passion and probably have been offputting in the past in my zeal to "talk things through." I hate letting things sit unresolved. And, yet, I don't have control of other peoples' free will. (Hey, even God doesn't, and that is some comfort.) This same pattern has developed several times this year, and I may not be totally bright, but, after getting hit over the head a few times with a club, I start to pay attention.
Sometimes, wellness means I have to sit in the pain of broken relationships. I'm not always good at sitting with the pain, especially when the frustration mounts. My mouth... the one with the sarcastic, biting tongue... can make things worse. Oh, I might momentarily *feel* better for wreaking some pain on the other person who is being so obstinate and hurting me in their refusal to make things better, but, ultimately that momentary release results in long-term spiritual harm.
I'm getting better, marginally, at biting my tongue (to a bloody pulp every once in awhile to keep from flailing it like a rope of barbed wire against the ones I love who are the cause of such pain)and saying, "I don't have control and I just have to wait and hope that things will change someday."
No Control. Waiting. Sitting in Pain. Sucky Life Lessons. But, good lessons to know if one hopes to be well. And I do.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Clunky, Chunky, Eccentric Amazing Me
I did three things simultaneously last night: while riding my Nustep I started reading a book and had tears rolling down my face. On a lark, I downloaded "What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life" by Dr. James Hollis (a Jungian psychotherapist) to my Kindle (in 30 seconds, a book can be delivered into my living room. this is stunning.)
These words in the introduction took my breath away and opened a torrent of tears:
We are not here to fit in, to be well balanced, or provide exempla for others. We are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps strange, perhaps merely to add our small piece, or little clunky, chunky selves, to the great mosaic of being. As the gods intended, we are here to become more and more ourselves. We, too, must enjoy amazement at what unfolds from within us while our multiplicitous selves continue to incarnate in the world, contribute, and confound.
All my life it seems I've tried to live a balanced life. to live a normal life.to be pleasing to other people. to be a model for others. And I've been on a journey of self-discovery that has led me to feeling very unbalanced, VERY eccentric, and very much alone. And here was a learned man, somebody highly regarded in Christian circles, I think, saying, "it's okay... no!, it's even necessary just to become ourselves AND to be amazed at what we find!"
YES! That has been my experience. How else could I have grown to embrace my disability? my oddness? my seemingly endless journey of swimming against the current of the status quo? How else could I have grown to be amazed at how much I enjoy my own company, and to appreciate that there is only one "me" in all the universe? How else could I have grown to feel at home within my own skin even when there is chaos all around? How else could I have grown to embrace that each person is just as uniquely, amazingly created? (Although, it seems most people awaken late to the wonder of their uniqueness, if at all.)
At the very root of my wellness journey, is the underlying belief that I have been created by a God who takes great pleasure and delight in what God created. I have been learning to see myself reflected in the eyes of that proud Creator, and that has allowed me to begin to love myself. Many in the world would see a disabled woman in a wheelchair as defective, as something broken and in need of fixing, as sad, as contemptible, as saintly, as sweet, as... a thousand other projections are possible. None of them really matter. I have internalized my birthright from God... the pleasure God takes in me. Me just being me.
That acceptance... that perfect delighted acceptance... it what fuels my journey to honor my body. My Father loves me. I love me. I want to take care of me. All the clunky, chunky, eccentric, amazing parts of me.
Added later: Loving myself is not the same narcissistic love of self wherein I seek to please myself and to march to my own drummer. The more I know God, the more I love self, and the more I am able to empty of self. The more the other becomes increasingly important. It's very paradoxical.
These words in the introduction took my breath away and opened a torrent of tears:
We are not here to fit in, to be well balanced, or provide exempla for others. We are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps strange, perhaps merely to add our small piece, or little clunky, chunky selves, to the great mosaic of being. As the gods intended, we are here to become more and more ourselves. We, too, must enjoy amazement at what unfolds from within us while our multiplicitous selves continue to incarnate in the world, contribute, and confound.
All my life it seems I've tried to live a balanced life. to live a normal life.to be pleasing to other people. to be a model for others. And I've been on a journey of self-discovery that has led me to feeling very unbalanced, VERY eccentric, and very much alone. And here was a learned man, somebody highly regarded in Christian circles, I think, saying, "it's okay... no!, it's even necessary just to become ourselves AND to be amazed at what we find!"
YES! That has been my experience. How else could I have grown to embrace my disability? my oddness? my seemingly endless journey of swimming against the current of the status quo? How else could I have grown to be amazed at how much I enjoy my own company, and to appreciate that there is only one "me" in all the universe? How else could I have grown to feel at home within my own skin even when there is chaos all around? How else could I have grown to embrace that each person is just as uniquely, amazingly created? (Although, it seems most people awaken late to the wonder of their uniqueness, if at all.)
At the very root of my wellness journey, is the underlying belief that I have been created by a God who takes great pleasure and delight in what God created. I have been learning to see myself reflected in the eyes of that proud Creator, and that has allowed me to begin to love myself. Many in the world would see a disabled woman in a wheelchair as defective, as something broken and in need of fixing, as sad, as contemptible, as saintly, as sweet, as... a thousand other projections are possible. None of them really matter. I have internalized my birthright from God... the pleasure God takes in me. Me just being me.
That acceptance... that perfect delighted acceptance... it what fuels my journey to honor my body. My Father loves me. I love me. I want to take care of me. All the clunky, chunky, eccentric, amazing parts of me.
Added later: Loving myself is not the same narcissistic love of self wherein I seek to please myself and to march to my own drummer. The more I know God, the more I love self, and the more I am able to empty of self. The more the other becomes increasingly important. It's very paradoxical.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Slow Dancing
Holy Crap. I just read my post from exactly a year ago (it is entitled "Meanwhile I Dance"... don't know how to link to it) and my life was a TRAIN WRECK. I was drowning physically and emotionally, all the while, doing a c-r-a-z-y amount of ministry that always occurs in a church between Thanksgiving and Christmas. (I probably did more in that one month than in four regular months.) Combine that with all the holiday activities that normally occur... cooking, cleaning, shopping, baking, wrapping, traveling, decorating... AND add a significant disability and significant health issues... AND add tons of unhealthy food and church potlucks... AND add no exercise... AND add two teenage/young adult children dealing with divorce holiday issues AND I marvel that I lived to tell about it.
Tonight, I am relaxing in my tidy house. I started decorating for Christmas and was able to easily retrieve my decorations from my bedroom closet where they were carefully organized by my sister last January. I am thanking God that I have this December just to concentrate on taking care of me and my kids without my usual frenzy of ministry-related activities. (Even though I thought I would disconnect back in the spring when I didn't have anyplace to serve, I'm actually enjoying the respite now, and am even thanking God for the gift of time and space to relax and just to enjoy the peace and quiet.)
I'm looking forward to baking with my daughter, shopping with my sister, enjoying time with my son, and experiencing Advent for the first time in years. (When you work in a church, Advent can be one of the hardest times to be quiet and to reflect. Before, for me, January was my time to reflect on the gift of Christmas. It was in the still and the quiet, instead of the frenzy of December, where I would find the space to reflect on the mystery and the beauty of God choosing to enter this wacked out world of ours.)
This year, though, in this lull in my life, I'm loving that I do have the opportunity to prepare spiritually for Christmas, as well as to enjoy the beauty and simple pleasures of the season. (Serving others WAS beautiful and I loved it, but it is nice, too, just to be still.)
So, this year, I am dancing a slow dance with God. And it is sweet. And while we dance, I tell God how grateful I am for the renewed outlook on life and the increasingly healthy body I'm being given. And God dips me gracefully and we smile.
Tonight, I am relaxing in my tidy house. I started decorating for Christmas and was able to easily retrieve my decorations from my bedroom closet where they were carefully organized by my sister last January. I am thanking God that I have this December just to concentrate on taking care of me and my kids without my usual frenzy of ministry-related activities. (Even though I thought I would disconnect back in the spring when I didn't have anyplace to serve, I'm actually enjoying the respite now, and am even thanking God for the gift of time and space to relax and just to enjoy the peace and quiet.)
I'm looking forward to baking with my daughter, shopping with my sister, enjoying time with my son, and experiencing Advent for the first time in years. (When you work in a church, Advent can be one of the hardest times to be quiet and to reflect. Before, for me, January was my time to reflect on the gift of Christmas. It was in the still and the quiet, instead of the frenzy of December, where I would find the space to reflect on the mystery and the beauty of God choosing to enter this wacked out world of ours.)
This year, though, in this lull in my life, I'm loving that I do have the opportunity to prepare spiritually for Christmas, as well as to enjoy the beauty and simple pleasures of the season. (Serving others WAS beautiful and I loved it, but it is nice, too, just to be still.)
So, this year, I am dancing a slow dance with God. And it is sweet. And while we dance, I tell God how grateful I am for the renewed outlook on life and the increasingly healthy body I'm being given. And God dips me gracefully and we smile.
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