Meal One
Saturday at a restaurant chain:
Spinach/Artichoke Dip
Sirloin Steak, Baked Potato, Salad, Steamed Veggies
Why do we go out to eat and think it is a treat when the food is laden with fat, salt, sugar, and preservatives? The dip had no discernible artichoke and only a tiny bit of spinach. The salad was iceberg lettuce, hard grape tomatoes and croutons. The steak was so tough I chewed one bite for 2 minutes and sent the rest back to the kitchen. The steamed veggies were cold and mushy. And for all this, I received a big bill... at least 4 times what I would have spent preparing the same meal in my kitchen. No doubt, it was also orders of magnitude less nourishing than what I could prepare in my own kitchen as I will describe in Meal 2.
Meal Two
Sunday in my kitchen:
A Salad
I had been to the grocery earlier in the day and started pulling wonderful goodies from the cabinet and fridge. First, I added the following to a large bowl: baby spinach, red leaf lettuce, turnip greens, and some fresh herbs. (I don't know what they were! Maybe basil.) I delighted in smelling the aroma of the fresh herbs, and enjoyed contemplating the colors and textures of the greens. I chopped up green pepper, yellow squash, red tomato and green onion. So far so good. Here's where it gets really fun: I added some slices of perfectly ripe, creamy avocado, a few tablespoons each of crunchy pine nuts and tangy Gorgonzola cheese, and a tablespoon of my favorite balsamic vinaigrette drizzled over the masterpiece. It was scrumptious. Healthy. More than Satisfying. Delightful.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
All Things are Possible
As a Christian, I believe a lot of preposterous things are possible. Walking on water. Turning water into wine. Restoring sight to blind eyes using a paste made of dirt and spit. Loving and forgiving enemies. Little things like that.
It is only through my faith that such things are possible that I'm confident I will one day be physically fit. I'm not saying I expect to be a marathon runner, or even walk without crutches. But I expect I will one day give people pause that a wheelchair-using woman could radiate such health, fitness and well-being. Especially that a formerly obese and very physically unfit woman could have undergone such a transformation. Maybe my journey will inspire others in similar circumstances to follow the trail that I'm blazing.
(Yikes. At the same time I love making such a declaration, I am stunned by my audacity.)
In the distant past when I would diet and exercise, the motivation was primarily for cosmetic reasons. To look better in a bathing suit. To be found attractive to the opposite sex. To be able to wear cute fashions. I've also been motivated in the past to exercise to beat my progressive disability into submission. Guilt and fear were strong motivators. (" I have to stay slim and exercise or I will let everybody down by not keeping CMT from progressing." or "If I don't shed some pounds and get my circulatory system pumping, I'm headed for a very rocky future health wise.")
Rarely was my motivation based on love. Love for myself. Love for my children. Love for others. And I honestly can't remember ever being motivated to take care of my body out of love for God. And yet, this time around, I am finding that love is the primary component of the fuel that is driving this journey. I finally love myself enough that I would rather eat a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries than a fat-laden sausage biscuit. I love my kids and the desire to have a future with them helps me pass by the dessert cart for a bowl of fruit. My love for others and desire to be in service helps me to spend time exercising instead of sitting at the computer. And as I do all these things, I sense God smiling. I am finally, at long last, doing what I have sensed God asking of me for years. I am learning that discipline and obedience (in taking care of my body) is a spiritual act of worship and an act of devotion to God.
Curiosity is also part of the fuel propelling this journey. I want to see what is possible. How strong can I grow? How intensely can I exercise? What calorie level can a disabled woman consume and lose weight? How will losing weight and strengthening abdominal muscles impact my bladder? Can I reach a level where blood pressure medication is unnecessary? Will people respond differently to me and will I have more influence?
And the final component that I've identified in the rocket fuel: playful delight. Exercise if FUN! (No doubt, this is one of the paradoxical and wonderful benefits of having a disability that has limited my ability to move. Now that I CAN exercise, I see it in an entirely different light. It's a privilege and a gift.) It's intoxicating to see muscle definition emerging. It's fun to be able to move more freely, even if that is something as simple as entering a vehicle with more ease. It's fun to engage is gentle flirtation. (Yes, it is beginning to happen!) It's fun to wear dangly earrings. It's fun to try funky new vegetables. It's fun to try new shades of eyeshadow. It's fun to celebrate beauty.
And, wow! I'm only getting started. There are cookbooks out there with all kinds of fun dishes to cook with my daughter, new exfoliates to try; strength training to explore, books to write, and...
I hope I will never return to my former life of deprivation and will continue pursuing this path of abundance. (Like most things, we humans get it backwards. We approach fitness through dieting with drudgery and deprivation, instead of seeing it as the natural outgrowth of true abundance.)
It is only through my faith that such things are possible that I'm confident I will one day be physically fit. I'm not saying I expect to be a marathon runner, or even walk without crutches. But I expect I will one day give people pause that a wheelchair-using woman could radiate such health, fitness and well-being. Especially that a formerly obese and very physically unfit woman could have undergone such a transformation. Maybe my journey will inspire others in similar circumstances to follow the trail that I'm blazing.
(Yikes. At the same time I love making such a declaration, I am stunned by my audacity.)
In the distant past when I would diet and exercise, the motivation was primarily for cosmetic reasons. To look better in a bathing suit. To be found attractive to the opposite sex. To be able to wear cute fashions. I've also been motivated in the past to exercise to beat my progressive disability into submission. Guilt and fear were strong motivators. (" I have to stay slim and exercise or I will let everybody down by not keeping CMT from progressing." or "If I don't shed some pounds and get my circulatory system pumping, I'm headed for a very rocky future health wise.")
Rarely was my motivation based on love. Love for myself. Love for my children. Love for others. And I honestly can't remember ever being motivated to take care of my body out of love for God. And yet, this time around, I am finding that love is the primary component of the fuel that is driving this journey. I finally love myself enough that I would rather eat a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries than a fat-laden sausage biscuit. I love my kids and the desire to have a future with them helps me pass by the dessert cart for a bowl of fruit. My love for others and desire to be in service helps me to spend time exercising instead of sitting at the computer. And as I do all these things, I sense God smiling. I am finally, at long last, doing what I have sensed God asking of me for years. I am learning that discipline and obedience (in taking care of my body) is a spiritual act of worship and an act of devotion to God.
Curiosity is also part of the fuel propelling this journey. I want to see what is possible. How strong can I grow? How intensely can I exercise? What calorie level can a disabled woman consume and lose weight? How will losing weight and strengthening abdominal muscles impact my bladder? Can I reach a level where blood pressure medication is unnecessary? Will people respond differently to me and will I have more influence?
And the final component that I've identified in the rocket fuel: playful delight. Exercise if FUN! (No doubt, this is one of the paradoxical and wonderful benefits of having a disability that has limited my ability to move. Now that I CAN exercise, I see it in an entirely different light. It's a privilege and a gift.) It's intoxicating to see muscle definition emerging. It's fun to be able to move more freely, even if that is something as simple as entering a vehicle with more ease. It's fun to engage is gentle flirtation. (Yes, it is beginning to happen!) It's fun to wear dangly earrings. It's fun to try funky new vegetables. It's fun to try new shades of eyeshadow. It's fun to celebrate beauty.
And, wow! I'm only getting started. There are cookbooks out there with all kinds of fun dishes to cook with my daughter, new exfoliates to try; strength training to explore, books to write, and...
I hope I will never return to my former life of deprivation and will continue pursuing this path of abundance. (Like most things, we humans get it backwards. We approach fitness through dieting with drudgery and deprivation, instead of seeing it as the natural outgrowth of true abundance.)
Saturday, June 20, 2009
When the Grace Escalator Breaks Down
It's been a tough week. The "Grace Escalator" on which I've been riding for the past several months came to a lurching, abrupt, bone-jarring halt as friend after friend after friend was slammed with life-altering blows. (Some of you are reading this blog and I don't want to betray your privacy, but I want you to know that it sucks when people I love are hurting.)
At the same time I was hearing painful news, we were heavy into Vacation Bible School and I was responsible for planning the neighborhood outreach/service bash that capped off the week's teaching lessons on serving like Christ. I had alot of anxiety about how this would be received by the church and by the community. (Last year's water party was a huge success. In comparison, I worried: what if the free car wash and free garage sale bombed; what if nobody came from the neighborhood; what if nobody brought items for the garage sale; what if people only brought their junk instead of "good stuff" to give away; and... well, you get the idea how my mind was working.)
And what does a food addict do when they are stressed?
If you answered, "EAT, OF COURSE, DUMMY.", you would be absolutely correct, generally speaking. And that would have once been my primary means of solace for heartache and for anxiety. Instead I did three things:
1) I said the Serenity Prayer ALOT. (I let go of my codependent need to "fix" things for my friends, but also recognized ways I can serve them better.)
2) I went to my Happy Place with Jesus. (In my mind's eye, we go to a lovely mountain stream and play in the water. Then, after a delicious picnic lunch, I stretch out on a large, flat, soft, moss-covered rock and take a refreshing nap.) It's amazing how five minutes with Jesus like this in my imagination revives my emotions, spirit and body.
3) I exercised like a fiend. A total of about 9 1/2 hours in the past week. (2 1/2 hours in one sitting.) My Nustep machine is a superb device for sucking the stress from my body.
And I'm happy to say that the in the midst of difficult circumstances, I prevailed against using food for emotional soothing. (Had I ever resisted that in my entire life before this week?!) I stayed healthy and focused.
And today, I can see clearly that the "Grace Escalator" wasn't broken. Rather, I think God pushed the stop button so I would have the experience of climbing some steps using my faith muscles. They got stretched this week, but, boy oh boy, do they ever feel good and limber and strong. And ready for opportunities to grow stronger.
At the same time I was hearing painful news, we were heavy into Vacation Bible School and I was responsible for planning the neighborhood outreach/service bash that capped off the week's teaching lessons on serving like Christ. I had alot of anxiety about how this would be received by the church and by the community. (Last year's water party was a huge success. In comparison, I worried: what if the free car wash and free garage sale bombed; what if nobody came from the neighborhood; what if nobody brought items for the garage sale; what if people only brought their junk instead of "good stuff" to give away; and... well, you get the idea how my mind was working.)
And what does a food addict do when they are stressed?
If you answered, "EAT, OF COURSE, DUMMY.", you would be absolutely correct, generally speaking. And that would have once been my primary means of solace for heartache and for anxiety. Instead I did three things:
1) I said the Serenity Prayer ALOT. (I let go of my codependent need to "fix" things for my friends, but also recognized ways I can serve them better.)
2) I went to my Happy Place with Jesus. (In my mind's eye, we go to a lovely mountain stream and play in the water. Then, after a delicious picnic lunch, I stretch out on a large, flat, soft, moss-covered rock and take a refreshing nap.) It's amazing how five minutes with Jesus like this in my imagination revives my emotions, spirit and body.
3) I exercised like a fiend. A total of about 9 1/2 hours in the past week. (2 1/2 hours in one sitting.) My Nustep machine is a superb device for sucking the stress from my body.
And I'm happy to say that the in the midst of difficult circumstances, I prevailed against using food for emotional soothing. (Had I ever resisted that in my entire life before this week?!) I stayed healthy and focused.
And today, I can see clearly that the "Grace Escalator" wasn't broken. Rather, I think God pushed the stop button so I would have the experience of climbing some steps using my faith muscles. They got stretched this week, but, boy oh boy, do they ever feel good and limber and strong. And ready for opportunities to grow stronger.
Friday, June 12, 2009
My Standing Stone
I have long had a fascination with and a love for rocks. [One of my prized possessions was my Grandma's humble rock collection. It wasn't anything fancy... just rocks that she would pick up while out on a walk or during travels (to pretty mundane places... nowhere terribly exotic.) Alas, those rocks were inadvertently left behind when I had a spur-of-the-moment move a few years ago.]Ancient people had a similar fascination with rocks as memorials. (Who isn't moved by the mystery of Stonehenge?) Pagan cultures erected monolithic stones for unknown purposes, but we do know that Middle Eastern cultures, the Hebrew people in particular, erected stones to memorialize God's acts of deliverance and self-revelation as he accomplished his work of restoring a lost world to himself.
Today, I find myself in need of erecting a Standing Stone to commemorate what God has done in my life over the past few months and to serve as a reminder during those times when I become impatient and forget.
Lately, I have begun sliding into old ways of thinking... thinking about how far I have to go towards having a slim body. Getting impatient. Restless. A little bit frustrated. Last night, I read through old email and was shocked to realize that just four short months ago I had written to a friend about not being able to wear shoes, the weeping ulcers on my legs, incontinence, and the looming probability of quitting my job and applying for disability. It was surreal reading that letter and remembering how I felt at that time... lost, alone, hopeless, afraid, and in despair.
In four months (dizzying speed), my life has turned around so much that there is no other explanation than something supernatural has occurred. Or better said, someONE supernatural has intervened.
February: KFC and fast food
Today: Fruit and Veggies
February: Exercise was nonexistent. Didn't see a way to do it, either.
Today: Exercise almost every day. Love it. See all kinds of possibilities for strengthening healthy muscles.
February: Skin on my legs was a mess. Feet were so swollen that I couldn't wear shoes.
Today: Ulcers are completely healed. Shoes back on feet that are within the range of "normal".
February: Ready to apply for disability.
Today: Finished co-leading a Bible Study, planned and implemented a major community outreach event, brimming with ministry ideas and confident to move forward with them. Blessed to be in a place where I am being used to positively impact lives for Christ.
February: Hadn't had a physical in years.
Today: Up-to-date on doctor's visits.
February: Hopeless Despair
Today: Laughter, fun, delightful hope, confident, alive, even Bold!
February: No makeup or jewelry. Little attention to grooming.
Today: Having a ball "primping" and shopping.
February: Sick of being me
Today: Love being me
February: Believed that relationship with opposite sex was improbable
Today: Expecting single guys to be interested and thinking ahead to letting them down gently when I don't return the interest
February: My house was a mess.
Today: My house is tidy and I have numerous,fun little decorating projects in the works.
February: Isolating
Today: Socializing
And I could go on...
God, I just want to say "Thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me. You didn't have to do all this for me to return your love, but I am so grateful for the way you have showered me with blessings over the past months. I offer my life back to you for you to use as you wish. You are one amazing and wonderful God." Love, Me
And to my friends and family, I want to say, "Thank you for being used by God to turn my life around." Love, Me
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Miniature Cabbage on Life Support
??????????????????????So, I'm unloading this week's box of nature's bounty when I get to the bottom of the box and discover this... this alien space vegetable. I mean, have YOU ever seen a veggie like this?
I'm having a contest this week. The first person to correctly identify this mystery delicacy will win... what? I don't know... something like the title "Best Mystery Vegetable Guesser". (Out of 8 people who came to my house for dinner this week, only one correctly identified this freaky, anemic-looking, bulbous plant.) Despite its weird appearance, it really is edible, even tasty. Crunchy. Tangy. WHO KNEW THINGS LIKE THIS EXISTED? It is the Plant Kingdom equivalent of those albino, eyeless, creepy fish that swim thousands of feet below the ocean's surface. Is it just me or does anybody else wonder who in the world was the first person to eat this and more importantly, how hungry were they to give it a try?
I look at this plant and laugh. It delights me that God is so darn creative. That God has such a delicious sense of humor. What kind of wonderful mind would dream up such an outrageous creation!
Okay, so every post isn't going to be profound. Next time I might write an ode to this plant. In the meantime, remember the contest. Enter early. Enter often. (Julie, Marcia, and Pan... no fair. You don't count. Err, of course YOU count. Just that you can't guess since I already told you what it is.)
(On a slightly more serious note, I am continuing to eat well and to exercise almost daily. Last night, I did eat a burger and potato salad at a cookout, but balanced that with fresh snow peas, Bing cherries, blueberries, and k... oops, almost gave it away!)
Friday, June 5, 2009
Dazzling, Ironic Spa Day
Of all the paradoxes I have experienced on my spiritual journey (and, believe me, they are numerous and profound... such is the nature of the Christian faith), NOTHING approaches the paradox of Spa Day.
Here I am a wheelchair-using woman with about 80-100 extra pounds on my frame planning a Spa Day event. I don't know about you, but the idea of going to a spa has always made me extremely squeamish. Good night!... to have somebody actually "see" all those body parts that I take such care to keep covered... well, that sounded worse than what I've been reading about torture through water boarding. Spas were for women who ate cucumber sandwiches on a regular basis and who had bodies that were "honor worthy".
Fast forward to this past Saturday's Spa Day at our church. Over 70 women, many from rehab halfway houses, came to the event. It was a day like nothing I have ever experienced at church. It was as though we had soaked up grace with a sponge the size of a football field and squeezed it out over the Family Life Center. It was fun, laughter-filled and lavender-scented. Women of all ages and walks of life shared in the joy of honoring our bodies. (I love to think that the middle school- aged girls had a transformative experience that will carry them forward armed with a different perspective about their bodies than the one with which they are assaulted by the culture.)
God pulled back the veil and we experienced a foretaste of the Kingdom. In the Kingdom we can say, "My body is valuable beyond imagining because it is a temple of the Holy Spirit." We can rub peppermint scented lotion on our feet (even our disabled feet) and call them beautiful. We can ask our bodies to forgive us for mistreating them, especially the parts that we have so long dishonored. In the Kingdom, we can look at each other with God's eyes and see that we are all exquisite. In the Kingdom, the fairy tale becomes true and "Cinderellas" are transformed into beautiful princesses by the King. ( We learn what the King knew all along : we were always princesses. We just got blindsided into thinking we were scullery maids.)
And now, I need to stop writing about Spa Day and go clean my bathroom. (But only after I eat a cucumber sandwich and give myself a facial.) Ahh... the life of a princess in the Kingdom!
Here I am a wheelchair-using woman with about 80-100 extra pounds on my frame planning a Spa Day event. I don't know about you, but the idea of going to a spa has always made me extremely squeamish. Good night!... to have somebody actually "see" all those body parts that I take such care to keep covered... well, that sounded worse than what I've been reading about torture through water boarding. Spas were for women who ate cucumber sandwiches on a regular basis and who had bodies that were "honor worthy".
Fast forward to this past Saturday's Spa Day at our church. Over 70 women, many from rehab halfway houses, came to the event. It was a day like nothing I have ever experienced at church. It was as though we had soaked up grace with a sponge the size of a football field and squeezed it out over the Family Life Center. It was fun, laughter-filled and lavender-scented. Women of all ages and walks of life shared in the joy of honoring our bodies. (I love to think that the middle school- aged girls had a transformative experience that will carry them forward armed with a different perspective about their bodies than the one with which they are assaulted by the culture.)
God pulled back the veil and we experienced a foretaste of the Kingdom. In the Kingdom we can say, "My body is valuable beyond imagining because it is a temple of the Holy Spirit." We can rub peppermint scented lotion on our feet (even our disabled feet) and call them beautiful. We can ask our bodies to forgive us for mistreating them, especially the parts that we have so long dishonored. In the Kingdom, we can look at each other with God's eyes and see that we are all exquisite. In the Kingdom, the fairy tale becomes true and "Cinderellas" are transformed into beautiful princesses by the King. ( We learn what the King knew all along : we were always princesses. We just got blindsided into thinking we were scullery maids.)
And now, I need to stop writing about Spa Day and go clean my bathroom. (But only after I eat a cucumber sandwich and give myself a facial.) Ahh... the life of a princess in the Kingdom!
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