There is part of me that thinks about abandoning this blog... Come on, girl? REALLY? A blog about wellness primarily focused on fitness and losing weight when there is a huge world full of issues that need attention. Do you have time for this? Why should anybody take time to read it? Come ON! Didn't you leave shallow bullcrap like this behind when you accepted the call to follow Christ. How about a blog on poverty or church reform, or...???
And this is how I respond:
My choice to take care of my body, to exercise to get fit and healthy even though I'll most likely be a wheelchair user for the rest of my life, and my freedom to choose to be sexy and disabled, is a RADICAL act of faith, and a radical triumph over the Lies that have kept me enslaved, and a radical witness that Christ's love for me frees me to love myself.
This isn't a diet. It's an act of terrorism against the devil. It's not a blog about weight-loss. It's a blog to inspire and to create an army of revolutionaries who are freed to live their beauty, too.
It's a blog about choosing to believe that beauty is mine and ours because God declares it so. It's the story of the love affair that God has with me that inspires me to live more fully and abundantly.
Maybe it's not as shallow as those voices would have me hear.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Moving Forward
I don't want to allow another day to pass before writing. Before writing something, anything so the first post on my blog is not yesterday's "Mourning the Losses".
Mourning is necessary. Even healing. But it can be dangerous.
My sister (the genius I wrote about a few days ago) reminded me that these waters of emotional turmoil can be dangerous. Her analogy, which follows, is brilliant.
In our younger years, while our father was still alive, we were frequent companions as he pursued his canoeing/whitewater passion. Nearby Elkhorn Creek was a favorite of his... in part because it was a short drive from home and also because a hard rain created some fairly significant rapids. (Class III maybe?)
My sister recalled that any paddle down the Elkhorn involved a portage on land to circumvent its dam. Portages are not fun. Let me say that again, portages are NOT FUN! Canoes are damn heavy and we always took a ton of gear. We would heft the upside down canoe atop our shoulders and set off down the muddy and treacherously slippery creekside path. It was hard walking, even for a short distance. The foremost thought on a portage is to get just far enough past the danger and put the damn canoe back into the water where it belongs.
It's a little tricky, though. The waters below the dam are subject to creating currents that can pull objects back into the hydraulic created by the falling water. JD recalled paddling that section of the Elkhorn on a day that a man drowned because he put his boat into the creek too close to the dam.
She cautioned me about revisiting painful situations before I get far enough away from them that I don't get sucked backwards into a hydraulic from which I can't get out. Mourning can be like that... backwards sucking power that can trap you and leave you disoriented and gasping for air as you rotate in a wave that won't release you.
I'm happy to say that I was patient (hear that, Ken!) and didn't put my canoe into the water too soon. I portaged a safe distance from the dam, and I'm happy to say that after a day of grieving in the relatively safe waters downstream of the dam, I've put my paddle back in the water and with some determined and powerful forward strokes I'm moving around the bend and leaving the sadness behind. Looking ahead, I see some challenging rapids, but no obvious dangers. Just a sweet day's paddle with good-hearted companions. Life is good. "Hey, somebody get me a beer out of the coo..hey! We forgot the cooler when we portaged!" Oh well... no looking back...
Mourning is necessary. Even healing. But it can be dangerous.
My sister (the genius I wrote about a few days ago) reminded me that these waters of emotional turmoil can be dangerous. Her analogy, which follows, is brilliant.
In our younger years, while our father was still alive, we were frequent companions as he pursued his canoeing/whitewater passion. Nearby Elkhorn Creek was a favorite of his... in part because it was a short drive from home and also because a hard rain created some fairly significant rapids. (Class III maybe?)
My sister recalled that any paddle down the Elkhorn involved a portage on land to circumvent its dam. Portages are not fun. Let me say that again, portages are NOT FUN! Canoes are damn heavy and we always took a ton of gear. We would heft the upside down canoe atop our shoulders and set off down the muddy and treacherously slippery creekside path. It was hard walking, even for a short distance. The foremost thought on a portage is to get just far enough past the danger and put the damn canoe back into the water where it belongs.
It's a little tricky, though. The waters below the dam are subject to creating currents that can pull objects back into the hydraulic created by the falling water. JD recalled paddling that section of the Elkhorn on a day that a man drowned because he put his boat into the creek too close to the dam.
She cautioned me about revisiting painful situations before I get far enough away from them that I don't get sucked backwards into a hydraulic from which I can't get out. Mourning can be like that... backwards sucking power that can trap you and leave you disoriented and gasping for air as you rotate in a wave that won't release you.
I'm happy to say that I was patient (hear that, Ken!) and didn't put my canoe into the water too soon. I portaged a safe distance from the dam, and I'm happy to say that after a day of grieving in the relatively safe waters downstream of the dam, I've put my paddle back in the water and with some determined and powerful forward strokes I'm moving around the bend and leaving the sadness behind. Looking ahead, I see some challenging rapids, but no obvious dangers. Just a sweet day's paddle with good-hearted companions. Life is good. "Hey, somebody get me a beer out of the coo..hey! We forgot the cooler when we portaged!" Oh well... no looking back...
Monday, May 17, 2010
Mourning the Losses
As God and I are rebuilding amidst the toppled ruins of my life, I sometimes revisit some of the devastation, hoping against hope, that there is life underneath the debris. If I can listen carefully enough for the faint cries or move the right chunks of concrete and steel from atop the trapped victims, maybe there is still life to be saved.
This morning, I took a walk to one particularly ravaged area of "town". One of the hardest hit areas was the Friendsville neighborhood. I cried for all the needless ruin. I cried for not having power tools and bulldozers and rescue dogs. I cried and beat my fists against the rubble that entombed those friendships and cursed it for refusing to budge against my determined but ineffectual strainings.
Thinking I heard a faint cry from below, and with a burst of strength from adrenaline empowered muscles, I shoved loose a beam that created a small opening to the deep. Excited at the possibility of providing food, water, and fresh air, I put my face to the hole to cry victorious words of hope and exaltation. My cries were met from below with silence and the stench of decay.
I went back to my tent, put on my mourning clothes and grieved once again those friendships lost. Tomorrow, I will go back to rebuilding my life. But, today I cry.
This morning, I took a walk to one particularly ravaged area of "town". One of the hardest hit areas was the Friendsville neighborhood. I cried for all the needless ruin. I cried for not having power tools and bulldozers and rescue dogs. I cried and beat my fists against the rubble that entombed those friendships and cursed it for refusing to budge against my determined but ineffectual strainings.
Thinking I heard a faint cry from below, and with a burst of strength from adrenaline empowered muscles, I shoved loose a beam that created a small opening to the deep. Excited at the possibility of providing food, water, and fresh air, I put my face to the hole to cry victorious words of hope and exaltation. My cries were met from below with silence and the stench of decay.
I went back to my tent, put on my mourning clothes and grieved once again those friendships lost. Tomorrow, I will go back to rebuilding my life. But, today I cry.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Thriving or Just Comfortable?
What differentiates a thriving life from one spent suffering?
In yesterday's blog, I listed the 5 categories identified by the authors of "The Five Essential Elements of Wellbeing". Their list resulted from extensive polling of people across the globe for common denominators of well being and includes:
• Career Wellbeing: how you occupy your time -- or simply liking what you do every day
• Social Wellbeing: having strong relationships and love in your life
• Financial Wellbeing: effectively managing your economic life
• Physical Wellbeing: having good health and enough energy to get things done on a daily basis
• Community Wellbeing: the sense of engagement you have with the area where you live
They note that only 7% of people experience well being in all five areas simultaneously.
Certainly, two months ago when I experienced MAJOR and simultaneous losses in each of these areas, my sense of well being DID plummet. I felt like a modern-day version of Job. While I didn't sit naked on my front yard, tossing ashes on my head (for which my neighbors thank me), I reeled under the sudden earthquake that ripped a physical, emotional, psychological, relational, and financial fissure in the ground of my being. Surely it measured at least an 8, maybe an 8.5 on the Richter scale. Enough to topple all but the most earthquake-resistant structures dotting the landscape of my life.
In the aftermath of the quake, while pushing through the rubble, looking for signs of life, the foundations that remained firm are noteworthy amidst all the rest of the devastation that included friendships comprised of matchsticks; finances and health insurance made of particleboard, and my identity based on the "straw bricks" of title and task. The main structure that stood, and it had some serious cracks, was my relationship with Christ.
Where was signs of life amidst the rubble?
What structures stood firm?
What rubble needed to be cleared away to begin rebuilding?
How could I survive on the outskirts of town in a tent? Would there be "enough" essentials to maintain life?
Amazingly, the structure that seemed the most ravaged of the five, that of physical wellbeing, was the one that attracted my attention. Why I focused on that pile of rubble instead of the more easily-fixed options, I don't know. And so, even while I had to navigate carefully to avoid further collapse in the other areas, I began the arduous task of removing rubble, small wheelbarrow after small wheelbarrow, day after day, in order to clear the ground for rebuilding. Two months later, I can see clear ground, and have begun nailing together the framework for what promises to be a lovely cottage replacing the condemned building that marred the landscape before the earthquake. Were it not for the earthquake, that rotting, rat-ridden structure would probably remain as a crumbling blight.
And while I began the process of rebuilding my physical wellbeing, Somebody came alongside and began resurrecting the other structures too. While I was at my loneliest and most bereft, God revealed to me, in a dazzling and unmistakeable communication of grace, that God has plans--amazing blueprints-- for rebuilding in the areas of Career, Financial, and Community WellBeing. The plans are drawn and construction is underway and humming along. He's the Foreman on those buildings, and all I have to do is stay out of the way!
Oh, and God showing up, well, that miraculously and instantaneously rebuilt the Social Wellbeing Structure. A love relationship with God creates a stunning mansion.
I would argue with the authors that they've identified the five elements that lead to a thriving life. I think they lead to a comfortable life. Jeus said to take up a cross and follow him, AND he also said that he came so his followers could have life abundant. I can only conclude, based on his teachings and on my experiences, that sometimes it takes a little, or a lot, of suffering to topple our man-made constructs, so that God can rebuild something glorious amidst the ruins.
In yesterday's blog, I listed the 5 categories identified by the authors of "The Five Essential Elements of Wellbeing". Their list resulted from extensive polling of people across the globe for common denominators of well being and includes:
• Career Wellbeing: how you occupy your time -- or simply liking what you do every day
• Social Wellbeing: having strong relationships and love in your life
• Financial Wellbeing: effectively managing your economic life
• Physical Wellbeing: having good health and enough energy to get things done on a daily basis
• Community Wellbeing: the sense of engagement you have with the area where you live
They note that only 7% of people experience well being in all five areas simultaneously.
Certainly, two months ago when I experienced MAJOR and simultaneous losses in each of these areas, my sense of well being DID plummet. I felt like a modern-day version of Job. While I didn't sit naked on my front yard, tossing ashes on my head (for which my neighbors thank me), I reeled under the sudden earthquake that ripped a physical, emotional, psychological, relational, and financial fissure in the ground of my being. Surely it measured at least an 8, maybe an 8.5 on the Richter scale. Enough to topple all but the most earthquake-resistant structures dotting the landscape of my life.
In the aftermath of the quake, while pushing through the rubble, looking for signs of life, the foundations that remained firm are noteworthy amidst all the rest of the devastation that included friendships comprised of matchsticks; finances and health insurance made of particleboard, and my identity based on the "straw bricks" of title and task. The main structure that stood, and it had some serious cracks, was my relationship with Christ.
Where was signs of life amidst the rubble?
What structures stood firm?
What rubble needed to be cleared away to begin rebuilding?
How could I survive on the outskirts of town in a tent? Would there be "enough" essentials to maintain life?
Amazingly, the structure that seemed the most ravaged of the five, that of physical wellbeing, was the one that attracted my attention. Why I focused on that pile of rubble instead of the more easily-fixed options, I don't know. And so, even while I had to navigate carefully to avoid further collapse in the other areas, I began the arduous task of removing rubble, small wheelbarrow after small wheelbarrow, day after day, in order to clear the ground for rebuilding. Two months later, I can see clear ground, and have begun nailing together the framework for what promises to be a lovely cottage replacing the condemned building that marred the landscape before the earthquake. Were it not for the earthquake, that rotting, rat-ridden structure would probably remain as a crumbling blight.
And while I began the process of rebuilding my physical wellbeing, Somebody came alongside and began resurrecting the other structures too. While I was at my loneliest and most bereft, God revealed to me, in a dazzling and unmistakeable communication of grace, that God has plans--amazing blueprints-- for rebuilding in the areas of Career, Financial, and Community WellBeing. The plans are drawn and construction is underway and humming along. He's the Foreman on those buildings, and all I have to do is stay out of the way!
Oh, and God showing up, well, that miraculously and instantaneously rebuilt the Social Wellbeing Structure. A love relationship with God creates a stunning mansion.
I would argue with the authors that they've identified the five elements that lead to a thriving life. I think they lead to a comfortable life. Jeus said to take up a cross and follow him, AND he also said that he came so his followers could have life abundant. I can only conclude, based on his teachings and on my experiences, that sometimes it takes a little, or a lot, of suffering to topple our man-made constructs, so that God can rebuild something glorious amidst the ruins.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
What differentiates a thriving life from one spent suffering?
I wake up thinking deep thoughts... it's like God downloads files into my subconscious that flash open and appear on the monitor when I open my eyes.
At any rate, I woke up thinking about what Jesus meant by the "abundant life" and what that means for individual Christians and for the church. (I know, I know. I'm a strange duck. And this before coffee. You oughta hear what goes on in my head when Holy Spirit inspiration meets caffeine-induced mania.)
Lo and Behold, if an email didn't appear in my junk folder from an leadership management organization with an article:
What differentiates a thriving life from one spent suffering?
based upon a review of this book:
The Five Essential Elements of Wellbeing
by Tom Rath and James K. Harter, Ph.D.
AND, since I've been thinking about my blog and what "Wellness" really means (i.e. it's about more than having a fit body!), I was compelled to read the article (and am similarly compelled to purchase the book).
In a nutshell, the authors maintain that wellness is about MUCH MORE than our limited view that it's about health and wealth. Amen Brothers, Preach IT!
Their list (and incidentally very similar to my early morning musings):
• Career Wellbeing: how you occupy your time -- or simply liking what you do every day
• Social Wellbeing: having strong relationships and love in your life
• Financial Wellbeing: effectively managing your economic life
• Physical Wellbeing: having good health and enough energy to get things done on a daily basis
• Community Wellbeing: the sense of engagement you have with the area where you live
I've learned so much during my past two months in the "wilderness". With the loss of my job, loss of former friends, loss of my church family, loss of many meaningful engagements with my community, and loss of paycheck, is it any wonder that my wellbeing was in crisis?
Two months ago, I endured significant losses in ALL FIVE areas they attribute to wellbeing AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I have some important observations to make about the ensuing two months, and how I survived (maybe there is another ELEMENT of wellbeing they don't mention!), and how I am experiencing a sense of wellbeing and hope that I haven't known in years.
Stay tuned...
Talk to you tomorrow after coffee...
(And when we finish this topic, we're gonna talk about: What differentiates a thriving life from one spent going throught the motions? which is where most of us live)
And you thought this was a blog about diet and exercise. Bleh.
At any rate, I woke up thinking about what Jesus meant by the "abundant life" and what that means for individual Christians and for the church. (I know, I know. I'm a strange duck. And this before coffee. You oughta hear what goes on in my head when Holy Spirit inspiration meets caffeine-induced mania.)
Lo and Behold, if an email didn't appear in my junk folder from an leadership management organization with an article:
What differentiates a thriving life from one spent suffering?
based upon a review of this book:
The Five Essential Elements of Wellbeing
by Tom Rath and James K. Harter, Ph.D.
AND, since I've been thinking about my blog and what "Wellness" really means (i.e. it's about more than having a fit body!), I was compelled to read the article (and am similarly compelled to purchase the book).
In a nutshell, the authors maintain that wellness is about MUCH MORE than our limited view that it's about health and wealth. Amen Brothers, Preach IT!
Their list (and incidentally very similar to my early morning musings):
• Career Wellbeing: how you occupy your time -- or simply liking what you do every day
• Social Wellbeing: having strong relationships and love in your life
• Financial Wellbeing: effectively managing your economic life
• Physical Wellbeing: having good health and enough energy to get things done on a daily basis
• Community Wellbeing: the sense of engagement you have with the area where you live
I've learned so much during my past two months in the "wilderness". With the loss of my job, loss of former friends, loss of my church family, loss of many meaningful engagements with my community, and loss of paycheck, is it any wonder that my wellbeing was in crisis?
Two months ago, I endured significant losses in ALL FIVE areas they attribute to wellbeing AT THE SAME TIME!
I think I have some important observations to make about the ensuing two months, and how I survived (maybe there is another ELEMENT of wellbeing they don't mention!), and how I am experiencing a sense of wellbeing and hope that I haven't known in years.
Stay tuned...
Talk to you tomorrow after coffee...
(And when we finish this topic, we're gonna talk about: What differentiates a thriving life from one spent going throught the motions? which is where most of us live)
And you thought this was a blog about diet and exercise. Bleh.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
When Crawling Feels Like Running
(Before reading this, you have to get the "Chariots of Fire" theme music in your head.... Okay, got it? Read on.)
I just tripped and fell after a long workout on my Nustep. In order to get back to my feet I had to crawl to the bathroom and get up by pushing onto the toilet. AND it was about 50% easier than when I wasn't working out! I felt like a champion... Like that slow-motion scene of triumph in Chariots of Fire.
Some people train to run a marathon.
I'm doing that, too. It's just that the race course is different and it involves a different means of locomotion; but, damn if I'm not running a heckuva race. :)
Is it too weird to picture this as a scene of triumph rather than one of tragedy? If so, then it's good to be weird.
I just tripped and fell after a long workout on my Nustep. In order to get back to my feet I had to crawl to the bathroom and get up by pushing onto the toilet. AND it was about 50% easier than when I wasn't working out! I felt like a champion... Like that slow-motion scene of triumph in Chariots of Fire.
Some people train to run a marathon.
I'm doing that, too. It's just that the race course is different and it involves a different means of locomotion; but, damn if I'm not running a heckuva race. :)
Is it too weird to picture this as a scene of triumph rather than one of tragedy? If so, then it's good to be weird.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Created out of Laughter
Saturday seems like a good day for some light musings on the Trinity. Say what?!
(Let me first offer a disclaimer: The Trinity is entirely baffling to me...trying to wrap my mind around it gives me a colossal headache. Even as my mind is too limited, my spirit stretches forth to embrace the mystery and finds rest there.)
I just had an image of a Saturday in the life of a mystic, Meister Eckhart, who lived during the Middle-Ages.
"Hey Meister, come on man. You gotta get outta that rectory and live a little, dude. Some of us guys are going off to the wilderness this weekend. Gettin away from the women and kids. We can scratch our armpits, tell rowdy jokes, maybe shoot a few small mammals. Whaddayasay?"
"Oh dearest brother, your invitation touches my soul, but I must decline as my spirit is leading me to ponder more deeply the mystery of the communion experienced by the Father, Son and Spirit."
Gotta love those mystics.
Here's what Meister Eckhart had to say about Trinitarian laughter: "When the Father laughs at the Son and the Son laughs back at the Father, that laughter gives pleasure, that pleasure gives joy, that joy gives love, and that love is the Holy Spirit."
He goes on to say that we are created out of the laughter of the Trinity.
Created out of the laughter of the Trinity. Close your eyes and let that sink into your soul for a minute. What do you hear? What do you feel? When have you experienced community that was so filled with peaceful, joyful laughter that LIFE sprang from it? When have you been part of community wherein you were made so complete in and through the others that the only response was a desire to share that love beyond yourselves?
I can't stop thinking about being created out of the laughter of the Trinity.
Last night, I went to a recovery meeting in a nearby town. Looking around, I saw walking dead. People with empty eyes and emaciated bodies, almost certainly from methamphetamine addictions. I wondered if their spirits, deep within, still had recall of the beauty out of which they were created. Did they still know, in some distant flicker of memory, the delight and joy of the Trinity at their creation? Or had the enemy swamped that message through dysfunctional families, poverty, atrocities, abuse, and pain, until the truth seems more like a fairy tale written for other people in some other time and place.
How many people believe IN God, but don't yet know or believe that God created them out of the highest expression of the Trinity's love? People who don't yet know that the Trinity laughs and rejoices in delight over them? What would change if people knew that?
I want to find out.
(As I ponder this for my own life: I want to sing. Mirth bubbles up. I want to embrace life. I dare to dream. Creativity happens. Colors are brighter. I hope in the future while enjoying today. I feel like playing. Oh, and I marvel even more at the beauty of my body and want even more to take care of it. The laughter of the Trinity is the wellspring of creation and is a bubbling spring of wellness.)
(Let me first offer a disclaimer: The Trinity is entirely baffling to me...trying to wrap my mind around it gives me a colossal headache. Even as my mind is too limited, my spirit stretches forth to embrace the mystery and finds rest there.)
I just had an image of a Saturday in the life of a mystic, Meister Eckhart, who lived during the Middle-Ages.
"Hey Meister, come on man. You gotta get outta that rectory and live a little, dude. Some of us guys are going off to the wilderness this weekend. Gettin away from the women and kids. We can scratch our armpits, tell rowdy jokes, maybe shoot a few small mammals. Whaddayasay?"
"Oh dearest brother, your invitation touches my soul, but I must decline as my spirit is leading me to ponder more deeply the mystery of the communion experienced by the Father, Son and Spirit."
Gotta love those mystics.
Here's what Meister Eckhart had to say about Trinitarian laughter: "When the Father laughs at the Son and the Son laughs back at the Father, that laughter gives pleasure, that pleasure gives joy, that joy gives love, and that love is the Holy Spirit."
He goes on to say that we are created out of the laughter of the Trinity.
Created out of the laughter of the Trinity. Close your eyes and let that sink into your soul for a minute. What do you hear? What do you feel? When have you experienced community that was so filled with peaceful, joyful laughter that LIFE sprang from it? When have you been part of community wherein you were made so complete in and through the others that the only response was a desire to share that love beyond yourselves?
I can't stop thinking about being created out of the laughter of the Trinity.
Last night, I went to a recovery meeting in a nearby town. Looking around, I saw walking dead. People with empty eyes and emaciated bodies, almost certainly from methamphetamine addictions. I wondered if their spirits, deep within, still had recall of the beauty out of which they were created. Did they still know, in some distant flicker of memory, the delight and joy of the Trinity at their creation? Or had the enemy swamped that message through dysfunctional families, poverty, atrocities, abuse, and pain, until the truth seems more like a fairy tale written for other people in some other time and place.
How many people believe IN God, but don't yet know or believe that God created them out of the highest expression of the Trinity's love? People who don't yet know that the Trinity laughs and rejoices in delight over them? What would change if people knew that?
I want to find out.
(As I ponder this for my own life: I want to sing. Mirth bubbles up. I want to embrace life. I dare to dream. Creativity happens. Colors are brighter. I hope in the future while enjoying today. I feel like playing. Oh, and I marvel even more at the beauty of my body and want even more to take care of it. The laughter of the Trinity is the wellspring of creation and is a bubbling spring of wellness.)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Relaxing with God on the Back Porch
I am an idiot. Two weeks ago, I was having the spiritual equivalent of a two-year- old hissy fit. (You know the kind of fit that usually happens at 5 p.m. in the middle of a crowded grocery store with a hungry, tired toddler.) Today, I am like that same two-year-old, only playing contentedly in a kiddie pool, oblivious to anything but the joy and the pleasure of life.
Two weeks ago, I was cursing God. Well, not really quite that bad, but definitely challenging God to give me some answers. I could relate to Job. Where are you God? Why are you allowing me to suffer? Don't you care?
And like with Job, God isn't answering my two-year-old demands. BUT, God is as merciful to me as to him by simply showing up and letting me know that I am on His radar screen. Just knowing that God is God, and God talks to me, well... it changes everything. It transforms me from a petulant child at the end of her rope, to one who is relaxed and playful.
Since God "pulled back the veil" everyday is like getting up in anticipation of going to the park. In my case, my park is my beautiful back porch. I've set up "an office" where I alternate between productive work, challenging reading, sunbathing, and soaking up spiritual energy as I enjoy God's amazing creation: dragonflies, butterflies, hornets building a nest, carpenter bees eating my porch, my dog rolling in the clover, annuals exploding in technicolor blooms in all the planters, millions of birds in surround sound, and an endless panorama of green, verdant growth. It's Paradise, I'm tellin' ya'.
I have a heart full of hope and an attitude infused with gratitude.
Thank you God for loving me. That's the soil, the water, the fertilizer that's allowing me to grow in wellness... like a petunia on Miracle-Grow.
Two weeks ago, I was cursing God. Well, not really quite that bad, but definitely challenging God to give me some answers. I could relate to Job. Where are you God? Why are you allowing me to suffer? Don't you care?
And like with Job, God isn't answering my two-year-old demands. BUT, God is as merciful to me as to him by simply showing up and letting me know that I am on His radar screen. Just knowing that God is God, and God talks to me, well... it changes everything. It transforms me from a petulant child at the end of her rope, to one who is relaxed and playful.
Since God "pulled back the veil" everyday is like getting up in anticipation of going to the park. In my case, my park is my beautiful back porch. I've set up "an office" where I alternate between productive work, challenging reading, sunbathing, and soaking up spiritual energy as I enjoy God's amazing creation: dragonflies, butterflies, hornets building a nest, carpenter bees eating my porch, my dog rolling in the clover, annuals exploding in technicolor blooms in all the planters, millions of birds in surround sound, and an endless panorama of green, verdant growth. It's Paradise, I'm tellin' ya'.
I have a heart full of hope and an attitude infused with gratitude.
Thank you God for loving me. That's the soil, the water, the fertilizer that's allowing me to grow in wellness... like a petunia on Miracle-Grow.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
My Swami Named "Straw Head"
My younger sister and I tormented each other as children. We were highly sophisticated at it, too. All I had to do was refer
to her corn silk blond hair as "Straw Head", and all hell would break loose. I was brunette and she would retaliate with a zinger: Poop Head! And so it would go: "Straw Head!" "Poop Head!" "Stringy Straw Head!" "Poopier Poop Head!" (And then one of us would shove the other down the stairs and mom would have an apoplectic fit, and such was the rhythm of our lives.)
I write this so you might share in my amazement that rotten little sisters can transform into mature women, capable of dispensing wisdom akin to that of the proverbial sage in the cave on the mountaintop. Gasp.
JD, I am endebted to you for paving the way to the epiphany I had tonight.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have been anguished during these past weeks...wanting to be in ministry, wanting to serve, and feeling very forlorn. I loved my job: planning outreach events, listening to hurting people, overseeing programs. Being away from that has felt like the part of me that gave my life meaning was destroyed. I've been anxiously searching for a place to serve, desperate for God to say, "Lynna, go."
I realized tonight... Here comes the epiphany... Just so you won't miss it... I am serving God right here in my house as I take care of my
body! Could it be that I was so busy taking care of everybody else that I was neglecting to put first things first? Afterall, we are told to love our neighbors as ourselves.
I am growing increasingly content that, for this season, I AM serving God faithfully by healing, and growing healthier, and there will be people to serve when I am ready.
Riding my Nustep each night is an act of faith and obedience and what this servant is called to do.
Gotta go ride. (Thanks little sister! And I forgive you for ruining my adolescence. Ha.)
to her corn silk blond hair as "Straw Head", and all hell would break loose. I was brunette and she would retaliate with a zinger: Poop Head! And so it would go: "Straw Head!" "Poop Head!" "Stringy Straw Head!" "Poopier Poop Head!" (And then one of us would shove the other down the stairs and mom would have an apoplectic fit, and such was the rhythm of our lives.)
I write this so you might share in my amazement that rotten little sisters can transform into mature women, capable of dispensing wisdom akin to that of the proverbial sage in the cave on the mountaintop. Gasp.
JD, I am endebted to you for paving the way to the epiphany I had tonight.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I have been anguished during these past weeks...wanting to be in ministry, wanting to serve, and feeling very forlorn. I loved my job: planning outreach events, listening to hurting people, overseeing programs. Being away from that has felt like the part of me that gave my life meaning was destroyed. I've been anxiously searching for a place to serve, desperate for God to say, "Lynna, go."
I realized tonight... Here comes the epiphany... Just so you won't miss it... I am serving God right here in my house as I take care of my
body! Could it be that I was so busy taking care of everybody else that I was neglecting to put first things first? Afterall, we are told to love our neighbors as ourselves.
I am growing increasingly content that, for this season, I AM serving God faithfully by healing, and growing healthier, and there will be people to serve when I am ready.
Riding my Nustep each night is an act of faith and obedience and what this servant is called to do.
Gotta go ride. (Thanks little sister! And I forgive you for ruining my adolescence. Ha.)
Sabbatical
A post that's mainly meant as a record of a "conversation" with God, so that I don't forget, as I am SO prone to do.
Dear Lynna,
Please stop fighting this time of rest. I know you are scared that I've forgotten you and that you will never have meaningful work again, but you are never away from my mind and my heart. Could you try to see this time as a gift of love from me to you? You've served me well and I'm proud of you.
This time that you see as the wilderness, I see as a vacation for a
valued servant. Relax on your porch with a good book, enjoy this beautiful Spring, listen to the birds, find healing for your heart. I have plans for your future, and you are so wise to be exercising and getting healthier to be ready to embrace that future. That's exactly what I want you to do right now.
Look at this as a resting point on the journey... Docking to mend the sails, to replenish the stores, and to study the navigational maps. When the time is right, we will sail again for distant shores. You with a stronger, healthier body. Thank you for this act of faith... for believing in Me enough to believe that you are not forgotten, that you have a future, and that I don't look at you the way the world does.
Love from Your Dad,
God
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