One weekend in the life of a woman with a disability...
Thursday night: I was overwhelmed by all there is to do to get ready for Christmas and all that I cannot do. I can't bring the Christmas boxes from the basement. I can't put up a tree. I can't clean this pit without help. Smack dab in the middle of my pity party and crying jag, my phone rang. It was an elderly woman who suffers from depression due to an incapacitating illness. Somebody urged her to call me because I might offer her hope. I called her and said, "I'm not in a good place to talk tonight, but let's connect this weekend." Then I sat there feeling very blessed that I DO have a hope inside me to offer others. My whole attitude changed for the opportunity to help somebody else. It was good to feel needed.
Friday: I decided to believe that asking for help to clean my house and prepare for the holiday might bless somebody, I called a young woman who had previously offered. She was thrilled and told me what a blessing it would be to give back to me for all the help I had given her in working through her issues. She said I was like a mom to her. wow. Encouraged, I reached out to a relative I have neglected for years and from whom I feared a (much deserved) blaming/shaming response. He was a love and said he would love to hear from me! Such grace.
Friday night: Celebrate Recovery was awesome. The women from Magdalene, recovering from drug addictions and prostitution, graced us with their lives and stories. My daughter has described nights like this as "feeling like the room is full of soft feathers."
Saturday: The Alternative Gift Market at our church, which I helped lead, was a beautiful event. Buying Christmas gifts that bring hope and better lives to people in difficult circumstances throughout the world...so close to the heart of God. The spirit in the room was lovely. I connected with a beautiful friend who has been battling cancer. I hadn't seen her in months. She said, "I've been praying for you. I've been worried about you." Such selfless grace.
Sunday: M. came over and tore through my house with gusto. In short order she transformed the main living areas into sparkling loveliness. She offered to come back on Tuesday. My next door neighbor told me she wants to come and help this week. Her sister, grieving from the loss of her husband, wants to help, too. I'm beginning to see a pattern emerging... wholeness through serving others, and wholeness through receiving from others.
I have a serious plumbing issue with water spilling out onto the floor when the washing machine spins. Shower drain overflowing. ugh.
Sunday Night Late: Getting ready to go to bed. Late. Can't find my crutches which I need to get into bed. OH NO! They are outside on the carport where I left them when I returned from church! It's 2 am and COLD outside. It takes me about ten minutes to get them and not easy to juggle them and roll the wheelchair up the ramp. Meanwhile, the dog escapes from the house and I'm calling, "Rio, COME!" while trying not to disturb the neighbors. He finally comes home.
Finally, exhausted, I prepare to "slip" into bed. And slip I did, right onto the floor. At this point, I had a choice... to crawl into the bathroom, push up onto the toilet and then use my crutches to stand up... which is probably more difficult than an able bodied reader might realize...Or to pull a pillow and blanket from the bed and curl up on the wood floor. I was SO tired, I chose option 2. While laying there, I was so grateful for my life. It is not an easy life. And not one I would have chosen. But, it is a life that gives and receives blessings. It is a life that can alternate between desperation and delight within a short time span. My hips, aching against the hard floor and my head nestled on the blissfully soft pillow perfectly depict the tension of my life. I fell asleep and slept hard. And woke up and crawled to the bathroom to begin another day. (Note: $500 later my plumbing problem was solved. Drainage. Don't take it for granted!)
I fall down. And, meanwhile, I dance.
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