A Jock in Born

When I was fifteen, and very mildly affected by my neuromuscular disorder, I began jogging every night. (Under the cover of darkness, nobody could see me!) I would propel myself with gritty determination to go a little bit further every night; I had dreams of working hard enough to grow strong enough and fast enough to join the track team at school. I loved the feeling of power when I would sprint the last 100 yards down my street and collapse in a heap on my lawn... sweating, gasping for air, tired, and exhilarated. Even though by "normal" standards for a teenager, I was really pretty slow and had an awkward gait, I felt strong and athletic, and believed if I just tried hard enough I could keep my disability at bay, or better still, beat it into submission.

Somewhere along the way, I lost that love for moving my body. Perhaps it was when the dream of being "normal" quietly slipped away as I realized all the exercise in the world could not stop the unrelenting assault of faulty biochemistry on nerves and muscles in my lower extremities. I would go to fitness gyms back in the 80's and it was apparent that fitness was for the hard body beauties... not the less than perfect bodies like mine. Fitness and Disability were two worlds apart.

And that mindset characterized most of my adult years. Why bother being physically active if it was not going to keep me from growing more disabled? If it wasn't going to keep me from having to use a wheelchair? Why pretend to be athletic when it was a farce?

I am reclaiming the dream of athleticism and fitness... only the dream is based this time on reality. I don't expect to exercise my way out of the wheelchair, BUT I do expect to strengthen underused muscles, particularly in my upper body. I expect to lose weight. I want to see just how fit I can become with time. I want to be able to do transfers with athletic grace. I want to be able to sit on the floor and get up without having to call the National Guard. I want people to see me and marvel that a woman in a wheelchair shows such obvious regard for her physical being.

I am doing so much more than dreaming. I am eating 1000-1200 calories a day. I am riding a cross-trainer, recumbent cycle for 1-2 hours a day with a cardiovascular workout. I am starting to use resistance bands to build my upper body. I am exercising on my mattress (where I am safe from falls), awakening muscles that had slumbered for years.

And I am having a blast realizing that Disabled doesn't have to mean overweight and weak. Fitness and Disability can coexist within the same body. Who knew?

*This is not me.