Assessing the Journey

Any hiker knows they need to assess and prepare before setting foot on the trail: pouring over maps, conditioning their body, packing food and essential items, deciding where they want to go and the route they will take to get there, etc.

Similarly, with this journey, I need to assess where I am, where I want to go, and how I'm going to get from point A to point B.

Where I'm Going
The desired destination is easier to write about, and since I prefer easy to hard, I'll begin here. I want to be a reasonable weight (140-150 pounds seems reasonable. I'm not seeking the body of a super-model.). I want to have normal blood pressure, cholesterol, blood glucose levels... you know, the standard indicators of physical health. I want the lymphodema (swelling) in my legs to be controlled, if not all together healed. I want strong muscles, bones, and circulatory system. I want to be able to walk with more ease and to be a physically fit woman who uses a wheelchair. I want my kids to be proud of me and for them to see me persevering, honoring my body, and living with discipline. I want people to be startled by the disconnect between the wheelchair and the picture of health and well being they see sitting in it. I want this to be used to glorify God and be a testament to God's healing power.

Dear Lord! This trail is not a day hike!!! It's more like preparing to hike the whole Appalachian trail from Georgia to Maine, which usually takes an experienced hiker about 5 months to complete. (Not that I'm saying this will be a journey of 5 months. It will require a lifetime commitment.)

Where I Am
Deep breath... here's where the journey begins. I am 100 pounds overweight. I have sleep apnea, high blood pressure (controlled with medication), mild depression, significant incontinence (some people will say anything in a blog, won't they?), and swelling from lymphodema in both legs that is so severe I can't find shoes wide enough to fit. As a result of the lymphodema, the skin on my lower legs is breaking down and I have developed decubetous ulcers, one that looked like somebody gouged my leg with a melon baller.

Is it any wonder I have been paralyzed with fear and dread at the seemingly insurmountable journey toward physical health? It felt like tossing a woman on crutches at the base of Mt. Everest and saying, "Get going."

Getting from Here to There
Yet, what I didn't know was that God had some plans in the works. When I was at rock bottom about 6 weeks ago, ready to throw in the towel, sign up for disability, and hunker down and lick my wounds, a friend who is a nurse came alongside of me and said she wanted to help me prioritize and help me assess one step at a time. (Problem solving and creativity are drastically hampered by fear and depression.) She has been taking me to my appointments at the Wound Center as healing the ulcers is the first step. (In four weeks, they have healed enormously, and are almost gone. The last one is the size of a dime with barely any depth!) Once they are healed, I'll begin therapy to assist further in decreasing the swelling and learning to better maintain it. Who knows? I might be back in shoes before too long!

Grace has abounded. My friend called around to find a doctor who had an accessible exam table that didn't require climbing. My OB/gyn was days away from getting rid of their accessible exam chair, but kept it for my purposes. First female exam in six years for me! Not only did I learn that my parts are ok, but that there is an out-patient surgical procedure that is about 90% effective at eliminating/reducing incontinence. It's on the list of things to do.

This forward motion has created enormous hope where once I had only despair. In response to the hope, I have been shopping for new clothes and jewelry, wearing makeup and perfume, eating nourishing foods (while eliminating junk foods), and, best of all, I'm exercising again!!! 22 of the past 25 days! Last night, I rode my NuStep for 65 minutes and burned 350 calories.

Exercise used to feel like punishment at worst, and drudgery at best back in the day when I was basically able bodied. Now, it feels like a gift from God to be able to move my body aerobically. I'm already seeing a noticeable improvement in my leg strength, something I didn't expect, and certainly not after just a month!

So far, this journey has felt like gliding up the mountain on a grace escalator. God's grace and wonderful friends have carried me forward to where I believe health is possible, even probable.

My plan for this week is to eat a healthy diet between 1500-1800 calories and to exercise 6 days for at least 30 minutes. And I think buy some cute earrings!

If you are part of my support/accountability team, I need prayers for the lymphodema. For the treatment to be effective and for a manageable means to keep it at bay.

God is good all the time, but isn't it nice when God shows off! I feel so blessed.