The Handsome Fireman and the Subway Stalker

Today, I met some ladies for lunch at Subway. While stepping onto the 3" curb (something I can handle fairly readily... it just looks kinda shaky), my friend P, attempting to be helpful, gave my arm a gentle tug. While I had been precariously and perfectly balanced before the "help", when I saw her treacherous hand reach out to assist, I knew that I was going down. Before I could gasp, "DON'T TOUCH ME, EVIL PERSON WHO LOVES TO SEE CRIPPLED PEOPLE FLOUNDERING ON THE GROUND!", there I was on the sidewalk.



In a millisecond an afternoon can change from innocently unaware and going to lunch with three friends, to sitting on the sidewalk wondering what in the crap you are going to do now. People rushed to assist. One woman offered to bring me a sandwich. (Unlike my evil friend, they seemed to have a little compassion for crippled people.) Alas, they didn't know how difficult it can be to return me to a standing position, and that I once had to call the fire department when I was in a similar situation.



Before I even had time to think about what to do, an off-duty fireman came along and offered his aid. Reluctantly, I agreed to let him and another man stand on either side of me, where I wrapped my arms around their necks, and they lifted me to my feet. And... it was a piece of cake. (For me. The fireman screamed, "Oh, no, another herniated disk!")


When we sat down at the restaurant table, I asked my friends what the experience had been like for them... wondering if i had been anxiety-inducing, or what? (Evil P couldn't respond... she was still shivering from sadistic delight.) L's response was classic: "I was jealous. That fireman was SOOO cute."

She was right. Big blue eyes and brawny biceps. Hmm. Maybe falling down could be one of those pesky blessings in disguise.

Do you think they'll catch on if I start lurking outside the Subway, waiting for opportune times to fall on that curb? I'm going to go now. I need to practice falling gracefully, with a startled little feminine gasp while flirtatiously flipping my hair back from my face. (I have some time to perfect my technique... how long does it take a herniated disk to heal?)