Food is Now Food, Not Vicodin

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I went "home" for a few days and thoroughly enjoyed the trip.

Oh, let's be clear, though, it was full of family drama and upset as well as full of love and laughter. Life, I'm learning, is like that. And I'm learning to soak up the wonderfulness and tuck it away in my heart and learning to let the less pleasant aspects roll off without penetrating my soul. I think that's called semi-permeable boundaries... my boundaries are like those spikes that stick up in pavement that keep cars from going the wrong direction. In this case, the spikes allow full access to love, and shred the tires of fear, anger, hurt feelings, etc. and serve as a protective barrier to keep them from turning into bitterness or chronic anxiety.

As such, I am so much more resilient in dealing with "negative" emotions in a calm, rational manner... they just don't have the power they once did. And, because I know I have the internal fortitude to deal with conflict without being consumed by it, I find myself growing increasingly courageous and adventurous. Because I don't have to worry so much about protecting myself, I'm able to live with increasing freedom and daring. I LOVE THIS!

It has pay-offs in the eating/physical realm, too. Food has been the primary way I have self-soothed for my entire life (at least as far back as I can remember). Eating was the unconscious means I would use to feel better when I was hurt, or to lessen anxiety when I was afraid, or to feel happier when I was sad. Any emotion that caused pain would lead me zombie-like to the fridge for emotional pain-killer. Food was like Vicodin for me.

What has changed?
1) I have much more capacity to deal with painful emotions. I've experienced a ton of pain in recent years and I've seen how it can be transformed into gold. Sitting with the anger, the fear, the jealousy, the sadness... fully experiencing the difficult emotions and offering them up to God in prayer... has allowed the difficult experiences/emotions to be transformed into increasing strength, compassion, wisdom, and a more patient, loving heart.
2) I know that I can fully experience pain and it won't kill me and it won't last forever.
3) I have God to sit with me in the pain. I'm not alone and I don't have to rely on myself or others to fix it. God is a great psychotherapist!
4) I now realize that suffering is part of life. In my younger years, I thought we were SUPPOSED to feel good all the time. I now know that the abundant life is one lived fully in the joy AND the sorrow.
5)There's alot of growth potential in the "sorrow". I don't grow so much when I'm feeling good. It's when I'm in pain that I have the most potential to pay attention and to grow into being more like Christ. (Therefore, eating to numb the pain not only led my body to grow overweight, but it led my soul to be undernourished and starved.)