I am going through an emotional identity-crisis. After realizing that I had become hopelessly enmeshed with a wonderful person who has helped me accept and love myself, I decided that I needed to stop relying on that person for my emotional sustenance. So, I tossed on my backpack and set off down the trail on my own. I'm terrified. After years of my companion being there to help me find my way in the world as a woman with a disability, I am afraid I won't have the psychological/spiritual resources to keep triumphing as I forge ahead.
In the midst of the shaky terrain, I am finding firm footing in an unexpected place: the self-discipline that I've been cultivating with my eating and exercising. I may not be able to control my feelings, and even as the fear and the self-doubts assail me, I know that I do have the choice to continue eating well and riding my Nustep.
In former times, eating... binge eating... would have been my means of self-soothing during times of emotional pain. Today, the choice to take care of my body is providing nurture to my bruised and battered soul.
This blog isn't just about physical health. It's about wholeness... wanting to be more whole spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally. Sometimes I take great strides in one area while faltering in another. Before, I was failing miserably at physical wholeness and kicking butt spiritually and emotionally. Today, the tables have turned... My body is striding confidently forward while dragging along my wounded soul and spirit on a makeshift litter. Will I ever be strong and healthy in all areas at the same time?
One thing I know: I need your prayers right now to help carry me along.
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