Resurrection Life

Ten years ago, about the time I began my spiritual journey, and at the time my disability was beginning to progress from "hidden" to "visible", I remember praying while in deep distress, "God, please help me survive this long enough to see my daughter graduate from high school."

My disability does NOT shorten life span, I just couldn't envision WANTING to live beyond fulfilling my obligation to see my children into adulthood.

Well, Kelly graduates this year.

And I am sitting here today remembering that prayer and those feelings of desolation, and can do nothing but just thank God for the healing I have received in the past decade. Oh, to be sure, my disability has NOT been healed. It has progressed significantly from necessitating a hiking staff for a little extra balance to using a wheelchair full-time.

But, I have been healed. I sit here today marveling at my life. Marveling at the way I have changed. Marveling that I am growing increasingly healthier physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. In every way a person can be healed, I have received miraculous doses of grace.

One year ago, when I quit my job, bereft in the wilderness, I could not see a path in the midst of the fog. Even so, I focused attention on my body and began to show it love and care by healthier food choices and daily exercise. Today, I am about 60 pounds lighter, light-years healthier, and have strengthened muscles that had atrophied almost into non-existence. I feel sexy, healthy, confident, and OH SO ABLE!

In contrast to that woman a decade ago who wanted to die in 2011, I am exploring options for living life to the fullest extent, even in ways that were unimaginable to me a year ago, and were completely preposterous a decade ago. I am approaching life as a daring adventure. I feel like Lewis and Clarke setting out for an exploration of the vast and wild unknown west.

Today, I spent the day filling out an application for a year-long internship with an organization in Washington D.C. If I am selected, I will live in community with five other interns and serve the organization for a year, living a simple and radical life of Christian community and discipleship. I doubt the organization expects middle-aged, disabled applicants, and I await with great curiosity to see how they will respond.

And if they don't see a fit, I will be entirely cool with that. It will just lead me back onto the trail to explore the next vista around the bend.

I'm living! And it feels like resurrection!