Paradoxical Rewards of Rejection!

It took almost losing myself to find deep grounding in myself. A very paradoxical and unexpected benefit to a "relationship" gone south.

Let me explain how I almost gave a man the power that I had suffered so much to obtain over the past decade.

I entered an internet relationship, one not altogether healthy, with a man from whom I seriously desired affirmation of my beauty, worth, courage etc. A man whose own life journey and work in the world closely mirrored my own... the perfect person to affirm all the growth. I wanted him to see me as amazing and to pursue me with abandon. Alas, it was very much a case of "I'm just not into you."

For a few days, I reeled. If this man isn't into me, will there ever be ANYBODY who will be? And then I started projecting: He didn't see me as pretty. He didn't think I was smart enough, capable enough at being disabled, funny enough, deep enough, worthy enough of exploring a deeper relationship.

STOP! LYNNA! You have no way of knowing what he was thinking/feeling or the circumstances of his life. Stop a moment and project some positive responses: He wasn't that into me because I intimidated him with my depth, spirituality, intelligence, passion.

And in the final analysis, I have NO WAY of knowing one way or the other why he pulled back.

And here's a universal truth people: IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What does matter, is that I, let me repeat that, I hold the truth of who I am. (God and I, actually.) I am every bit as amazing as I was before this encounter with a man, and, even better, wayyyyy better, I recognize that nobody can ever take that away from me, as long as I don't give it away.

I left this relationship feeling bereft, unworthy and with my self-esteem threatened, and within a matter of just a couple of days, I reclaimed my passion and self-worth in a blaze of light.

And I feel so powerful, lovely, sexy, brave, smart, and all manners of wonderfulness, that I almost don't know this woman. But, trust me, I like her. I like her very, very much, and mark my words, THIS woman has unlimited possibilities for changing the world, AND it's just a short matter of time until an amazing man, heck! until amazing MEN are beating down my door. But in the meantime, I LIVE abundantly and with joy.

PS And it is just the sprinkles on the icing of the cake, that on top of all of these wonderful self-understandings, I have dropped into the next smaller size. Sitting here in size 14 skirt, feeling so much delight in my body that it gives me goosebumps. I never thought I could feel good about my body, let alone, be HAPPY with it!